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Call the Valley Anything but L.A.

April 06, 2002

Re "It's Right on the Tip of Their Tongues," April 3: After all the shadowy power plays over even the most rudimentary Valley secession issues, it's no wonder that Valley VOTE has moved on to the more-evocative "name game." Market a name that catches the voters' fancy and presumably adoption from negligent foster mother Los Angeles is in the ballot box.

Too bad they forgot that the Valley isn't an adorable baby born from a developer's bulldozer but a decidedly middle-aged woman who thinks the best day of her life was being voted prom queen. Instead of a municipal education, she chose subdivision augmentation and another layer of stucco--and now wants to be called something precious, like "Camelot." Honey, the world has enjoyed your many delusions, but you're scaring us now. It's time to dump those spin doctors at Valley VOTE and get your meds adjusted.

Daniel Nauman

Long Beach

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If the San Fernando Valley should secede, I feel it would be appropriate to retain the name "San Fernando Valley." If people wish to shorten it, they could refer to it as "the Valley" or even "SFV," just as Los Angeles is referred to as "L.A." As far as using the name on the mail, the present method could be continued. Mail now is addressed to Encino, Sherman Oaks, Canoga Park, Woodland Hills, Van Nuys, etc., along with the proper ZIP Code numbers.

Richard W. Weinberg

Sherman Oaks

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The San Fernando Valley secession movement is gaining momentum, but the secessionists can't even agree on a name for their new city. That doesn't bode well at all for their ability to run a municipality of well over a million souls. Proposed names have even included such absurd juxtapositions as Los Fernando and San Angeles, neither of which makes any sense at all in Spanish. To assist in selecting an appropriate name, I have independently conducted an extensive nationwide survey of city-naming experts. The following are among the most frequently mentioned suggestions:

The Over the Hill Gang

Valley of the Dulls

South Bakersfield

North Carjacking

Dudesville

West Oklahoma

La-La Land, la, la--where am I?

Holmby Hills Adjacent

The managers of the secessionist movement obviously need to devote more time to their campaign, so the above is offered as an attempt to free them from the demands of selecting a name for their new domain. In return I would expect nothing less than a grant of honorary citizenship when they secede from the United States.

Allen E. Kahn

Playa del Rey

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