Belgium's streak of consecutive World Cup ties ends at four, because even the Belgians can figure out how to beat Tunisia. Japan also beats Tunisia for its first-ever World Cup victory and a crowd-pleasing trip to the next round.
Cameroon-Paraguay: The Indomitable Lions send Patrick Mboma at Chilavert, then Samuel Eto'o, then Lauren Etame-Mayer, then Marc-Vivien Foe. Chilavert keeps on talking, to himself, muttering incoherently after a two-goal defeat.
France-England: Or is it an Arsenal intrasquad scrimmage? The English Premier League champions are represented by Sol Campbell, Martin Keown and Ashley Cole on England's back line and by Thierry Henry, Sylvain Wiltord and Patrick Vieira in the French attack. Confusion reigns in London as emotionally torn fans watch Emmanuel Petit, former Arsenal midfielder, win it for France.
Argentina-Denmark: Watching highlights of France over England, the Argentine players give thanks it's not them. Argentina 2, Denmark 0.
Spain-Germany: A mismatch, according to the track records. Spain, the team that doesn't know how to win, against Germany, the team that refuses to lose. But this isn't 1990, and Carsten Jancker isn't Juergen Klinsmann. Spain shocks Germany. Spain shocks Spain.
Italy-United States: Well, Yanks, it was an improvement over 1998. Now go home and find some fullbacks.
Brazil-Japan: Brazil rolls, Japan claims glorious triumph over long-since eliminated South Korea.
Belgium-Turkey: Enough to make a Belgian soccer fan go cold turkey. Hope the sake's strong.
Portugal-Croatia: Out with the old, in with the new. Portugal becomes this year's Croatia.
France-Brazil: Rematch of the '98 final. Ronaldo feels better this time. It won't matter.
Cameroon-Italy: Indomitable Lions meet the irresistible force, also known as Italy's eight-man defense. To the dismay of lovers of wide-open soccer throughout the world: Italy, 1-nil.
Spain-Portugal: The Iberian championship. Portugal is new to this territory, Spain suspects it might be on borrowed time. Ignorance is bliss. Portugal 2, Spain 1.
Argentina-Turkey: The Turks are here because it was either them or the Belgians. But not for long.
Italy-Portugal: Tortured by nightmares of Italy going out of the '94 and '98 World Cups on penalties, Italian Coach Giovanni Trapattoni gambles and instructs his forwards to go forward during regulation. What's this? Goals? By Totti, Vieri and Del Piero? Who would have imagined?
France-Argentina: Basketball fans switching over from the NBA Finals quickly agree: This is the real final. Unlike the Lakers, the French staff carefully inspects all players' meals. Unlike Sacramento, spectators in Saitama have actual lives. In a classic, France moves on.
France-Italy: The last time these two met in a major tournament, Italy was moments away from claiming the 2000 European Championship, leading, 1-0, in the 90th minute. The Italian fans were already celebrating when Wiltord, a second-half substitute, broke free to equalize just before the final whistle, setting up overtime and Trezeguet's eventual winner. France won't cut it nearly so close this time. Trois-peat, anyone?