Shopping at Wal-Mart Like Nightmarish Trip Overseas

I got to Wal-Mart about an hour after it opened yesterday, which was fine by me, because I'd heard all about that woman in Florida who said she got trampled at a Wal-Mart last month when the siren sounded at 6 a.m. for the early-bird special, and everybody made a mad rush for the $29.87 DVD players, stampeding right over her.

It was already plenty crowded at what I believe to be the only Wal-Mart in Los Angeles proper, the one in Crenshaw Plaza. The aisles were freeway-packed with carts, and the carts were packhorse-piled with goods -- some of them, in this season, the kind of pointless ornamentalia that people exchange at the holidays for no other reason than gift-for-gift parity. My grandmother called these fussy dust-catchers "tissy-boos."

I was terrified someone would recognize me. I'd rather be caught at a peep show than shopping at Wal-Mart. The Times' recent series by Abigail Goldman and Nancy Cleeland validated all my worst suspicions, detailing the world's biggest retailer's full-throated race to the bottom -- bottom dollar and bottom line, the corporate nation that runs at the front of the pack in pushing jobs offshore, pushing prices low and wages lower. It's the Wal-Mart limbo dance: Whether it's price or public responsibility, how low can you go?

Sam Walton's autobiography is subtitled "Made in America." Sam's been dead about a dozen years, but I'd still like to take him shopping with me to find out just what there is in Wal-Mart, besides Mr. Sam, that's made in America. The grail of free trade -- Greenbacks Sans Frontieres -- has made it not only old-fashioned to "Buy American," but damned near impossible.

All right, Mr. Sam, just inside the door, Jordache low-rise jeans, $17.94 -- from the Philippines. That floaty pink rayon blouse on sale for $9 -- India. Ah, here we go, L'Eggs panty hose, nude, sheer-toe, three pairs for $5, made in USA -- of imported and domestic fibers. And oh, Sam, oh, Walt -- a Disney Winnie-the-Pooh anniversary clock for $19.86 ... made in China?

I tell you, who needs an exotic overseas vacation? Let Wal-Mart take you on a tour of the far-flung souks and sweatshops of the world, brought right here to your own hometown:

Little girls' Fruit of the Loom boy-leg briefs, two pairs, pink and blue, $4.66, made in Egypt. Scooby-Doo men's sleep pants, trademark Cartoon Network, $11.93, made in Cambodia. A Vassarette silken heather underwire bra, $9.66, size thirty- ... no, you don't