Berman Ought to Get His Eviction Notice

Nineteen years was how long Duck right winger Steve Thomas had to wait before playing in his first Stanley Cup final game. Nineteen years. It gets a person thinking. That's nearly twice as old as the off-Disneyland attraction that now finds itself tied with the Devils, two games apiece, thanks to Thomas' goal 39 seconds into overtime.

Nineteen years. Back in 1984, did Chris Berman's oldies-rock references sound any less moldy than they do now?

This was Berman, moments after the Ducks' 1-0 victory at the Arrowhead Pond:

"Cinderella more than lives in the Hotel California! They stabbed them with their steely knives, but the Devils just could not kill the beast!"

And thousands of kids watching at home are asking Mom and Dad, "What in the world is he talking about?"

Followed by:

"The Eagles? I thought we were watching the Ducks."

Give that man a penalty for high-shticking. Please. Someone has to stop Berman, because he clearly can't stop himself, as he conceded after welcoming viewers to Game 4, wondering "what's to come tonight on the fro-zen tun-dra of the Arrowhead Pond."

And then, apologetically: "I had to."

Elvis left the building years ago, but Berman, like a broken-down Catskills comedian, never met a gag that was past its pull-date. And he'll go end-to-end to unearth another, noting that Lisa Marie Presley would perform at halftime of Wednesday's NBA Finals opener -- also on ABC! -- and somehow stretching to this conclusion:

"Well, we mentioned Presley. 'Caught in a trap' -- No score after one period here in the Stanley Cup finals!"

The ABC-ESPN sports connection is overloaded with capable, knowledgeable hockey announcers, and most of them were in Anaheim on Monday. In fact, there were nearly as many qualified talking heads talking puck at the Pond as there were players on the ice. Thorne, Bill Clement and John Davidson weighing in on the action -- ABC wishes its NBA behind-the-mike roster was as deep. Barry Melrose, limited to quick takes before and after periods, is under-utilized. Then there's Darren Pang analyzing the goalies, Al Morganti and Brian Engblom reporting from rinkside and Sam Ryan trawling the stands for fan interviews.