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Sorry, not ready just yet

May 08, 2003

Re Samantha Bonar's article about getting put off by the grad student ("The Tale of the Grad School Cad," May 1), I have done the same thing and thought I could offer an insight from that point of view.

Her grad student probably really did like her and threw himself into the moments that they had together. I have done the same thing a dozen times. Some of us are driven by emotions as well as our libido. The two seem to blur at times, causing us to confuse how we are really feeling with the idea that we could have actually found "the one." Then we realize that we aren't ready for a commitment and we find something to throw ourselves into as a distraction.

This happened many times when I was younger. I'm now 33, and it seems that I find myself looking more for someone to explore the possibilities of "settling down" with than carelessly hurling myself into relationships that I know have no possibility of being successful.

That's just my experience as a guy. Maybe it makes sense in your situation or not.

I enjoy your column very much. I am from L.A. but live in Florida and read The Times everyday online.

Devin Sappington

Palm Bay, Fla.

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