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Steve Harvey ONLY IN L.A.

Kids Are Known for It, but Adults Can Also Write in the Anguish Languish

October 02, 2003|Steve Harvey

In a classroom exercise, one of Valerie Anne Bishop's third-graders at San Rafael Elementary School in Pasadena wrote out the Pledge of Allegiance so that it ended with the words "liberty and jests for all."

Certainly the recall election has given the nation a laugh.

Kids don't spell like this! Some of the more fascinating alphabetical arrangements sent here (see accompanying) include:

* A word written by a store employee, perhaps while high on perfume (from Cy Holden);

* What could only be described as an invented term (from Joseph Young);

* And, finally, a spelling that no schoolteacher would accept (from Roger Weinhouse).

The laughs never stop: Richard Schoengarth of Lancaster found a sign demonstrating that members of one profession really do have a fun side despite what you might think (see photo).

Cut! Not sure if you've noticed, but the Writers Guild of America has put up a series of billboards matching famous movie and TV lines with photos of their authors. For instance, "You can't handle the truth!" is accompanied by a shot of Aaron Sorkin, who wrote it for Jack Nicholson in "A Few Good Men."

Here are a few gems, collected in the book "The 776 Dumbest Things Ever Uttered on the Silver Screen" that are unlikely to be saluted:

* "I'm afraid the world doesn't look at a 60-foot man the way a sister does." ("War of the Colossal Beast");

* "How could someone with such great ideas for humanity put an innocent woman in a pit?" ("Choke Canyon");

* "You have to listen -- you have to listen to what the bees have to say!" ("The Bees");

* "Let us eat, then we will transplant the brain." ("Monster From Hell");

* "You may know about corpses, fella, but you've got a lot to learn about women." ("Autopsy");

* "An intelligent carrot -- the mind boggles." ("The Thing").

In an act of compassion, the authors of the book omit the identities of the screenwriters.

miscelLAny: How's that again? After Lloyd Welch of La Canada Flintridge had some work done on his car, he noticed that the paperwork said: "We guarantee our Jaguar/Rolls Royce/Bentley parts and labor for 12 months/unlimited mileage, whichever comes first."

*

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.

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