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Steve Harvey / ONLY IN L.A.

An Annoying Couple Is Drunk, Amorous and Off-Key in the Park

September 23, 2003|Steve Harvey

A jug of wine, a loaf of bread and thou (hiccup!): The police log of the Huntington Beach Independent said a resident had complained that two park-goers, "very loud and possibly drunk," were being excessively amorous "and that the woman was singing at the top of her lungs and couldn't carry a tune."

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The end of romance (cont.): A sign at a flower shop prompted Vanessa Franklin of Manhattan Beach to say: "Talk about profiting off the notion that getting married is the death of you!" (see accompanying).

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Of course, nothing's sacred any more: Joe Ann Cantrell of Irvine noticed a surprising class mentioned in a church bulletin (see accompanying).

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Speaking of the devil's work: Barbara Force of Oceanside spotted an ad that sounded, on first reading, as though it referred to a usually covert occupation (see accompanying). And it appeared that only amateur break-in artists were wanted.

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Which reminds me: The Coastline Pilot said a Laguna Beach "police officer reported that a radar gun valued at $4,500 was stolen from his squad car, which was locked and parked in front of the police station." Now that's a nervy thief. I hope he didn't grab a ticket book, as well.

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All wet: I heard a radio commercial for "Two and a Half Men," a new sit-com starring Charlie Sheen as a swinging L.A. bachelor whose 10-year-old nephew becomes a roommate. In the blurb, the kid asks Sheen to take him swimming.

"The ocean is closed today," Sheen growls, as the laugh-track howls.

Maybe Sheen's answer would get a laugh from viewers elsewhere in the nation. But I'm not sure about those in Southern California, where polluted beaches have been closed at Huntington Beach and elsewhere several times in recent years.

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Grass-roots advertising: "On the Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica, I saw a homeless guy holding a sign that read 'Will Work for Marijuana,' " cabled David Allen.

"Sort of gives new meaning to the phrase 'high unemployment.' "

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miscelLAny: I'm a life-long sports fan, but it wasn't until Saturday night that I attended my first professional soccer game, a Galaxy match in Dominguez Hills. What I like about this sport is, if you have to stand in line at a concession stand for 40 minutes, as I did, you don't have to ask, "Did I miss anything?" when you return to your seat. The score was 0-0 when I left and 0-0 when I staggered back.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.

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