Seeking boffo huevos

There are only two states in the entire Union where you can get a great Mexican breakfast, and I live in both of them: California and Texas. So what if they are the heaviest breakfasts in the world: rice, beans, guacamole, sauce, eggs, meat, the works. We are lucky to live here. Woody Allen was wrong when he said that being allowed to turn right on a red light was the one cultural advantage of living in California. You can also have a wonderfully authentic Mexican breakfast.

My friend Victor Lomeli and I are intent on finding the best in our little slice of L.A. Besides being my hairdresser and a fellow resident of Silver Lake, Victor is a breakfast maniac. He always has a plan: We rarely go west of La Brea. Los Feliz usually defines the western border of our travels, and Echo Park, the east. We have explored the region thoroughly from taco stand to strip mall to grand old restaurant with fancy booths; from the $2.99 chorizo and eggs on a paper plate to the $7.50 huevos rancheros plate. Victor, who was born in Guadalajara, knows what gets the bang for the buck. He cultivated his culinary refinement at his grandmother's cenaduria, which means her home was a local restaurant.

Along the way we discover certain universal principles. The most immediately striking is that the quality of a Mexican breakfast is almost always in inverse proportion to its cost.

Before our outings turned into a compulsive search for the perfect Mexican breakfast, I was a conventional breakfast orderer. I would order French toast, waffles, bacon, pancakes and hash browns. Victor would have chorizo (Mexican sausage) and eggs or huevos rancheros. Because I kept picking at his breakfast until he couldn't stand my fork in his plate any longer, eventually I had to order my own huevos rancheros. It wasn't long before it became an obsession.

Here's the thing about Mexican breakfasts.

First of all, Mexican breakfasts are dinners. They come with at least two major side dishes. They are for people who like big breakfasts. Not people with teeny-weeny appetites in the morning.

Second, they cure hangovers. (And whatever else ails you, except stomachaches.)

Third, they consist of thousands, and I mean thousands, of calories. They are high in carbs. Let's face it, they fit into no known diet, though I once had a gym coach who suggested you eat a major breakfast and then eat less and less throughout the day. Maybe they fit into that diet. So work out first; you will certainly need a siesta after.