Marriage Is Paramount, Gays Agree

BOSTON — On the appointed day -- March 21, 2001 -- seven carefully selected couples fanned out across Massachusetts to apply for marriage licenses.

At Boston's city hall, Ed Balmelli remembered, the clerk looked up and asked: "Where is the bride?" Balmelli smiled at his partner, Mike Horgan, and replied: "There is no bride."

After all seven same-sex couples were denied licenses, they filed a lawsuit, and two years later won the right to marry. The couples were overjoyed when the state's highest court ruled that Massachusetts must begin issuing same-sex marriage licenses in May. This decision, making Massachusetts the first state to legalize gay and lesbian marriage, touched off an impassioned debate that has polarized the nation.

The concept of men marrying men and women marrying women has infuriated many religious groups and prompted President Bush to call for a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriages.

Marriage in America is far from a perfect institution. The average first marriage lasts only seven years, and close to half of all marriages end in divorce. Of those who remarry within five years, at least 60% will end up divorced again.

Despite that picture, Horgan and Balmelli have always wanted to wed.

Balmelli said he and Horgan come from big families made even larger by in-laws. "We want to be the same as our brothers and sisters, our nieces, our nephews, our parents," said Balmelli, 43. "We want to be married."

The couple wear wedding rings, and three years ago traveled to Vermont for a civil union ceremony -- the closest thing to legal recognition they could hope for at the time. Both men say it is not enough.

"It has always been our premise that we are in this thing until we have marriage and full equality," said Horgan, 44.

They said their need for marriage became apparent several years ago when their friend Mark died at home and his partner, Ken, was barred by law from claiming the body. Determined to safeguard their partnership, Horgan and Balmelli had their lawyer draw up yet another document -- this one with the gloomy title "Declaration as to Remains." But despite their efforts to anticipate every possible threat to their partnership, Balmelli said, they worried "that there would always be one more document that we needed -- or worse, that the ones we had would not be recognized."