I'd love to eavesdrop on St. Peter the day he grills TV evangelist Paul Crouch outside the Pearly Gates. Based on his body of work, Pastor Crouch probably will slip in, but that doesn't mean St. Peter has to give the guy one of the better tables.
Crouch probably considers himself a shoo-in, based on the worldwide ministry spawned by his Trinity Broadcasting Network. He'll claim credit for millions of otherwise lost souls, and St. Peter will be forced to say, "All right, you're in."
If St. Pete is the judge he's cracked up to be, though, he'll take Crouch aside and whisper in his ear, "But was all that begging for money really necessary? Did you ever consider that continually hitting up needy widows and welfare recipients for contributions might be a bit over the top?"
We can only hope he'll say that.
I realize full well that earthly people hold no sway over Crouch and other showbiz kids in TV evangelizing, where a shtick is just as important as it is for the World Wrestling Federation.
But maybe if St. Peter (or one of his superiors) asks Crouch why he keeps plugging for money even as his empire has accumulated more than half a billion dollars in net assets, the preacher will get the message.
Crouch and his TBN empire were the subject of recent stories in The Times by William Lobdell. Orange Countians already knew of Crouch's penchant for lavishness: The ministry's showcase studio near the San Diego Freeway is a monument to overkill. But the money TBN makes, coupled with the luxurious lifestyle that Crouch and his wife enjoy, would shame most mortals.
Ah, but not the rich and opulent, for they shall be shameless.
"If you have been healed or saved or blessed through TBN and have not contributed ... you are robbing God and will lose your reward in heaven," Crouch said in a 1997 broadcast.
In his telethons, Crouch suggests that being a bit strapped shouldn't hinder giving.
"He'll give you thousands, hundreds of thousands," he told viewers last year. "He'll give millions and billions of dollars."
Sure, he was caught up in the moment, and viewers still have the ability to see through the nonsense, but how does the man look himself in the mirror?
If Crouch were scraping by, you could forgive him.
But Lobdell reported that the network has averaged surpluses of $60 million since 1997.
It generates more than $170 million a year in revenue, of which viewers accounted for two-thirds.
