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She Fits the Profile of Your Typical Expectant Canine Kidnapper

September 18, 2004|Steve Harvey

First, this bulletin from the fashion world: The crime log of the Seal Beach Sun reported that police received a call about "a pregnant woman [who] was seen walking a white poodle in front of a business. The caller was concerned because the dog was groomed better than the woman and may not have belonged to her."

Unclear on the concept: Roger Mitchell of San Gabriel sent along a snapshot that illustrates that old saying, "The grass is always browner ... " (see photo).

What's the Use? Dept.: A reader perused the instructions for his new coffeemaker but concluded from the last sentence that it would taste the same no matter how he set the darn thing (see accompanying).

Thanks for the warning! Doc and Lorna Johnson were walking through the Northridge Fashion Center when they noticed a sign warning that a wall could cause harm to passersby (see accompanying).

Logic as nutty as a fruitcake: When officials first spoke of removing the cross from the L.A. County seal (see accompanying), humor columnist David Allen of the Inland Valley Daily Bulletin wrote: "Intriguingly, the largest image in the seven-panel seal depicts Pomona, the goddess of fruits. Which raises a theological question: Is Los Angeles County endorsing Roman mythology?" Soon after that, Pomona was also axed from the seal because, officials said, of her pagan ways.

Wow -- this guy Allen wields some power, obviously. But he'll have to answer to constituents in the Inland Empire for what he did to the region's deity.

I guess one answer Allen might give is: "Can't anyone take a joke anymore?"

New county seal scandal! One character who was retained for the new seal was Pearlette the cow. But an extensive investigation by Only in L.A. has determined that she doesn't belong there, either.

A national grand champion Guernsey cow of a half-century ago, Pearlette was based at Adohr Farms in Ventura County. Yes, Ventura. No one could find an L.A. cow?

Anyway, to the county seal-makers, I quote Bart Simpson: "Don't have a cow." At least, not an outsider like Pearlette.

The search continues: Meanwhile, I've yet to determine the name of the tuna in the seal design.

miscelLAny: Michael Morgan chanced upon this one-line ad from a Westminster resident: "Honey bees have hive inside Zenith stereo 28" w 24" d 30" white. Giving away the bees, honey, hive, don't want to harm them, should know how to move, can have stereo and all."

Reads like it was composed by someone trying to avoid being stung.

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATimes, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at

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