UP until recently I thought "intelligent design" had something to do with the arrangement of parking spaces in the basement of large buildings. It took Ernie the Spot to straighten me out.
The theory of ID, as it is known, has it that someone better at design than even Frank Gehry or I.M. Pei created the Earth and all the things in it, including you, me, Donald Trump, Paris Hilton and Howard Stern, although his inclusion is open to debate.
This contradicts the contention that the planet upon which we live came about through the accidental occurrence of a big bang and rebuts the Darwinian notion that the human race formed from goo splashing about in pools of primeval slime.
Growing up, I was taught something of both. I got a lot of God, the intelligent designer of fundamentalist thought, at St. Bernard's Catholic Church, and a dose of Darwin at the various public schools I attended throughout East Oakland.
We always referred to God as just plain old God. Intelligent design hadn't been invented yet. So when I first heard the term, I thought it was, well, see "parking spaces" above, until I heard from Ernie.
He's our new cat, which we obtained from our daughter Cindy, the famous Cat Lady of Sacramento, who, were she forced to choose between me and a cat as we teetered on the brink of hell, would say "bye-bye, Daddy" and down I'd fall into the fiery abyss.
We call him Ernie the Spot because he is jet black but for a white dot right under his chin. Ernie talks. I suspect it is actually the intelligent designer speaking through the animal since ID can appear in any form he pleases.
"Intelligent design has nothing to do with parking garages, you boob," Ernie said, sitting at my feet and watching me write.
Cats have an intimidating manner. Given a twist of imagination, I could easily project Ernie into a lion at a watering hole and me a fat little dik-dik.
Put off a bit by his superior attitude, I said, "Then tell me, cat, just what is intelligent design?"
It was more than a little strange listening to his dissertation on the creation of life on Earth while he periodically purred and rubbed against my leg. When he isn't in his ID mode, Ernie is a very sly and innovative cat. Look the other way at dinner and he will silently walk off with your pork chop.
Creationists, Ernie informed me, are simple, well-meaning people from places like Kansas who need something to cling to in times of stress, such as war or death.
