Want a glimpse of the freakish future that awaits if cloning isn't outlawed? Then swing by the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel tonight for the 14th annual Reel Awards.
There, you'll encounter the true promise of human duplication experiments. No, not a room full of Mother Teresas and Albert Einsteins. Instead, the place will be crawling with carbon copies of Michael Jackson, Joan Rivers, Saddam Hussein and Cher.
The Reel Awards, a semi-spoof of the Oscars, are designed to honor the nation's best celebrity impersonators.
It's a burgeoning field. With top acts earning thousands of dollars per appearance, imitation is now a multimillion-dollar form of flattery. And the industry seems to be expanding at a disturbing pace.
When Elvis Presley left the planet in 1977, only a few dozen people were mimicking him. By 1999, the ranks of pseudo-Elvii had bloated to 35,000, according to news reports. Statisticians jokingly warned that if the growth rate continued, one out of every three humans would be an Elvis impersonator by the year 2019.
Sadly, nobody knows the current number of Elvis imitators. After the Sept. 11 attacks, government officials turned their attention to "more important" threats to world stability.
So, here we are, 14 years from a possible Elvis apocalypse and no one is doing anything. Even if the Presley plague is somehow contained, other dangers loom:
* The number of Abraham Lincoln impersonators has also exploded, from one in 1885 to 40 in 1990 to nearly 200 today, according to the Assn. of Lincoln Presenters. Ominously, there are no John Wilkes Booth impersonators to keep the Lincoln population in check.
* A New York Times investigation uncovered the existence of 150 ABBA tribute bands in Britain alone.
* Some faux celebrities might be procreating. Last July, the Wall Street Journal chronicled the wedding of an Arnold Schwarzenegger look-alike to a Shania Twain double. They met at an impersonators convention.
* Janis Joplin's estate just announced plans for a reality TV show and concert tour in which contestants try to resurrect the singer's persona.
What's more, an Encino talent agency's client roster now includes an impersonator of Rich Little. In other words, an impersonator of an impersonator.
OK, we made up that last item, but the others are true. The only bright spot on the horizon is Iraq, which seemingly experienced a net loss of Saddam Hussein doubles after the U.S.-led invasion.
