DePodesta's Computer Must Have a Bad Virus

FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. — I've still got some business and partying to do down here with Mike Garrett & Co., so I'd appreciate it if someone would make a point of pulling the plug on Google Boy's computer until I get home.

I might be thousands of miles away, but even down here it's apparent that the Dodgers are becoming a national embarrassment. In fact, do we have to keep referring to them as the Los Angeles Dodgers?

(Anaheim might be interested in a small-market team.)

When I read in a New York newspaper that minor league catcher Dioner Navarro had fallen out of favor in the Yankee organization because executives questioned his work ethic and his ability to hit, I knew the Dodgers would do everything they could to land him.

As you know, the Dodgers love to play catchers who aren't any good.

And now we're being told that the Dodgers are going to send Shawn Green, probably the nicest athlete in town, a guy who set the Dodger record for most home runs in a season, who also unselfishly made the switch from outfield to first base, to Arizona so they can secure Navarro -- who will arrive via New York in the Randy Johnson swap.

(Remember when Google Boy made a point of saying he wasn't trying to trade Green? I did a Google search for Pinocchio and DePodesta and found 21 matches.)

It's going to take a few days to make it official, the Diamondbacks taking the time to redo Green's contract while the Dodgers urge Navarro to work hard (or just show up) if he wants to replace Brent Mayne and David Ross.

But hey, the next time someone says you have to go to college to get ahead in life, I suggest pointing to Google Boy, and reminding everyone just what a Harvard education can do to a baseball team.

It shouldn't be a surprise, of course. That was the media concern raised when the Parking Lot Attendant went cheap and hired a young man who has always been plugged into his computer. Now it has become clear, as the Dodgers make over their roster, that Google Boy's computer makes no allowances for intangibles.

Paul Lo Duca cried when he heard he could no longer play for his beloved Dodgers. Throw in team cheerleader Jose Lima, hero and all-time good guy Steve Finley, a home-reared Adrian Beltre, team players Alex Cora and Dave Roberts, and you've got one Hee-Seop Choi on your hands.

It seems as if every player that I've ever gotten along with in Dodger Blue has been sent packing.