It only comes in XXL

But a bus, nonetheless. Mercedes isn't being coy about the R-class' dimensions, referring to the R-class' size as "commanding," "generous proportions" and even "XXL." Sounds like stretch pants, doesn't it? Stem to stern, the R-class is 203 inches; that's 10 inches longer than a Cadillac SRX, 5 inches longer than Caddie's Escalade and 1 inch longer even than M-B's S-class. The company is offering a short-wheelbase version of the vehicle in Europe that sneaks in under the 5-meter mark, which is the Continent's unofficial threshold of decency.

The American version is, however, just plain huge, which I sense is how the Germans see Americans.

There's a good deal of high-minded talk in the R-class literature about anticipating the future -- at one point, Pericles is invoked and we are introduced to the phrase "anticipative deliberation" (vorbeugendes Nachdenken), which sounds like a Berlin architect's version of "planning." But if I may politely challenge Mercedes on this point: A six-passenger, nearly 17-foot vehicle weighing almost 2 1/2 tons does not seem all that anticipative, considering the shaky state of the full-size SUV market. And I continue to pine for the company's B-class vehicle, which in spirit and levels of luxury is comparable to the R-class, except 2 feet shorter. Mercedes, facing pressure from the weak dollar, decided not to bring the B-class to the U.S. this year, but if demand is sufficient, it still could. So demand, already.

By the way, if the R-class is an example of futuristic heteromorphism, think how ahead of its time was the 1991-1996 Buick Roadmaster station wagon.

TAKEN on its own, the R-class is a pretty wonderful piece of machinery. It shares its running gear with the new M-class SUV and is built in the same Alabama factory. Two engines are available: a 3.5-liter, 24-valve V6 good for 268 horsepower (R350); and the familiar 5.0-liter, 24-valve V8 producing 302 hp (R500). Both engines connect to the company's seven-speed automatic transmission that, for all its hydraulic smoothness, seems to have no gears at all. Downstream from the transmission is the 4Matic all-wheel-drive system, which splits torque 50-50 between the front and rear axles.