An arrow through the heart

Naming a new car model is never easy. Automakers invest millions in what are essentially metaphors and, despite all the vetting by linguists and focus groups, these loose cannons of language often have severe blow-back. In 2003, for example, General Motors learned -- only after naming its new high-volume mid-size Buick LaCrosse -- that in Canada "lacrosse" is slang for sexual solitaire. Oh, too bad, eh?

No wonder car companies increasingly resort to alphanumeric ciphers: The BMW 645Ci, the Audi A3. But there are sharks in these waters too. At the recent Geneva Auto Show, Cadillac unveiled the BLS, which is a fine name except if you happen to take shorthand.

Likewise, the Mercedes-Benz CLS500 will forever be known as the "Cialis" 500 -- which sounds like a NASCAR event and, come to think of it, probably is.

I wonder if this is art or accident. Described as a four-door "coupe" and essentially a re-skin of the E500, the CLS500 is an unbelievably sexy sedan -- sleek and wide, dangerous and exclusive -- that, with an arched beltline paying out from the tops of the front wheel wells, looks as tensed as Artemus' bow. The sheet metal cavorts nose-to-tail in glowing rhythms that converge at the knife-edge deck lid like that of the CL coupes. This car threatens the gorgeous Maserati Quattroporte on my current "if-I-could-have-any-car" list.

Where the E-class and even S-class designs dutifully preserve optimum sightlines and trunk space, the CLS500 is profligate. The car's "greenhouse" -- that glassy part above the fuselage -- is narrow and swept rearward, elongating the hood and shortening the trunk to enhance the visual cues of a luxury coupe (the central window pillar is blacked out). The execution is flawless: prowling, predatory, concupiscent.

If descriptions of car designs last more than four hours, see your doctor.

Transmuting the E-class into the CLS required losing the center rear seat position; a central floor console separates the two rear buckets set deep in the aft compartment, which is comfortable but by no means spacious. If this seems a sacrifice, bear in mind that the CLS has just as many seat positions as the Maybach 62 costing five times as much.