Near the end of a March afternoon on Capitol Hill, Congress having wind-whipped baseball on the issue of steroids for hours, a handful of superstar ballplayers were beginning to eye the door, liberation a few pointed questions away.
Before they were excused, however, Rep. C.A. Ruppersberger (D-Maryland) glared down at them from his chair in the second row and said, "I guarantee you Jose Canseco's not going to win any popularity contests with the players, but he's the best thing to happen to you all."
So Canseco was gallant. Yet Mark McGwire did not appear appreciative.
When I went looking for Canseco on my bookshelf this week, he was beside the Reader's Digest "New Complete Do-It-Yourself Manual," which explained why I hadn't seen him in a while. It also presented an odd juxtaposition: "Juiced," the story of a career built entirely by professional drug dealers, and "New Complete Do-It-Yourself Manual," the story of amateurs turning their homes into crooked messes.
But -- and here's the thing -- Canseco's tell-all was in the bookstores by the time baseball's new steroid policy was ratified, was on the discount racks by the time Commissioner Bud Selig went to the "three-strikes-and-you're-on-the-Burger-King-swing-shift" strategy, and was keeping the homeless warm before Rafael Palmeiro hit his second home run, which hasn't happened yet.
Maybe it is a coincidence, but of the 15 or so players Canseco accused of taking steroids, some by Canseco's own steady hand, many appear to have momentarily misplaced their abilities to strike baseballs hard, including a few who suddenly can't get off the disabled list. The rest are retired. Or Roger Clemens. Or Miguel Tejada.
So maybe Sammy Sosa, Jason Giambi, Bret Boone and Palmeiro found the same month to slump, and Barry Bonds, Juan Gonzalez and Wilson Alvarez just got hurt together. Careers are dying all over baseball, baseballs are dying all over warning tracks, and Selig's drug program has caught four fringe players and a relief pitcher.
In a first month in which -- surprise -- home runs, slugging percentage, batting average and runs were down leaguewide, we wondered how the rest were getting along. ...
* Mark McGwire:
Canseco: "What we did, more times than I can count, was go into a bathroom stall together to shoot up steroids."
McGwire: "Once and for all ... I did not use steroids or any other illegal substance."
Update: Living in Irvine.
