SNARK PATROL

Facing the facts of life in a somewhat altered state

May 22, 2005|Christine N. Ziemba

Chronicling the "good, bad and ugly of celebrity plastic surgery," the website www.awfulplasticsurgery.com turns conjecture into guilty pleasure. Since 2003, the site's been using photo "evidence" and old-fashioned intuition to comment on alleged, and perhaps not-so-alleged, cosmetic procedures gone wild. It has all the pull of a fender bender on the 101 -- one glance and you just can't turn away.

Celebs in the spotlight include the usual suspects: LaToya Jackson, who with time looks more and more like Michael (or is that the other way around?); Britney Spears, with a focus on that bust line; and Meg Ryan (the lips). And naturally, there's the Donald's hair.

Webmaster Tara (who wouldn't reveal her last name -- quelle surprise) has a cutting -- pun intended -- sense of aesthetics, grouping stars in categories that include Bad Face Lifts and They Need Plastic Surgery Really Bad (no, there's not a grammar category).

Gary Busey's "fans" write him an open letter about his teeth (the word "Chiclets" is invoked). And poor Chris Noth. He's the only person listed under the "needs surgery" category. Seems Tara and company don't find Mr. Big's baggy eyes sexy.

According to Tara, stars such as Nicolette Sheridan and Mandy Moore have struck back, criticizing the site by name. But she defends her posts: "I choose subject matter based on the obviousness of the surgery. Take for example, Mariah Carey going from a small B to a big D in her chest area. That just begged to be pointed out."

Not all entries, however, are hypercritical and derisive. There's a Good Plastic Surgery category that praises the more natural, subtler procedures Tara says she detects in celebs such as Sarah Jessica Parker, Natalie Imbruglia and even California's governator.

We think that's supposed to be a compliment.

-- Christine N. Ziemba

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