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OK, now here's the pitch ...

Snakes on a plane! 'Footloose' meets 'Full Monty'! They couldn't really be making that, could they?

November 06, 2005|John Horn | Times Staff Writer

THE essence -- or absurdity -- of a movie is its logline.

Batted about in pitch meetings, recapped within talent agencies and plugged via trade newspapers, loglines aim to distill a movie's plot in as few words as possible.

What follows is a list of 22 current -- and real -- loglines, with five fakes thrown in. The challenge: Spot the impostors. They're revealed at the end of the list.

"The Smurfs." Based on the 1980s TV series.

"Gustave." A 20-foot Burundi crocodile devours hundreds of people.

"Voices." A cop discovers voices heard by a serial killer are real.

"Freeze Frame." A fashion photographer's camera captures a person's future.

"Jumper." A man can jump anywhere on Earth simply by thinking about it, using his talents to fight terror.

"Henchman vs. Sidekick." When two mortal enemies -- a superhero and a super villain -- are killed, the hero's sidekick and the villain's henchman continue the battle.

"No Man's Land." A futuristic transport pilot must retrieve the Declaration of Independence from aliens to inspire humans to revolt against their captors.

"The Coleman Conundrum." A spy (Josh Lucas) is ordered to assassinate a Middle Eastern activist -- whose husband is the spy's identical twin.

"The Brazilian Job." Sequel to "The Italian Job," set in Brazil.

"Mid Life Pirates." A laid-off middle manager gets revenge on his boss by becoming a pirate and looting his yacht.

"Of Me I Sing." "Mr. Holland's Opus" meets "Election." Starring Lindsay Lohan.

"Untitled Usher Project." "A Star Is Born" meets "The Way We Were." Starring hip-hop singer Usher.

"Slim Chance." A wealthy surgeon-triathlete meets the perfect man, except he weighs 300 pounds.

"Into the Mirror." A cop-turned-mall security guard tries to uncover the secret behind a series of deaths all linked to mirrors.

"Amusement." An ambassador learns that his son is literally the Antichrist.

"Dance Lessons." "Footloose" meets "The Full Monty." Starring Jennifer Lopez.

"Princess of Mars." A veteran of the Civil War finds himself transported to Mars, where he must rescue a princess.

"Read My Lips." A repressed deaf woman finds emotional and sexual excitement helping an ex-con set up his former boss.

"Hawaii Five-0." Based on the 1960s TV series.

"In the Pink." Tim Allen plays a misogynistic corporate executive who loses his job and must sell cosmetics door to door.

"Waterloo." A psychiatrist (Vince Vaughn) inherits the disorders of his group therapy patients.

"Snakes on a Plane." An assassin targeting a witness in protective custody unleashes a crate of poisonous snakes inside an aircraft.

"The Brave One." After her husband's murder, a crime reporter begins a string of vigilante murders and soon finds herself reporting about her own crimes.

"Catgirl." A prequel to "Catwoman." Starring Beyonce.

"The Disassociate." An ordinary man, as instructed by God, goes on a quest to develop a universal language.

"Major Movie Star." A desperate movie star (Jessica Simpson) joins the Marine Corps. "Private Benjamin" meets "Notting Hill."

"Time and Again." An ad agency illustrator wills himself via self-hypnosis to New York City in 1882, where he solves a perplexing mystery.


Fakes are "Freeze Frame," "The Coleman Conundrum," "Of Me I Sing," "Slim Chance," "Catgirl."

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