For kids, friendships that click

RACHEL Berkowitz made a new friend while attending an L.A.-area Elderhostel two years ago with her grandparents. The friend was someone 10-year-old Rachel very much wanted to stay in touch with; the fact that she lived in London with her family, and that the new friend lived in Mar Vista, was a nonissue.

The girls exchanged e-mail addresses and corresponded so often that when Rachel returned for a visit last year, the two were as comfortable as if they'd been in each other's company all along. Meanwhile, Rachel expressed interest in knowing other American girls, so her friend "introduced" her by e-mail to someone from her school. Soon, they too were corresponding -- friends without ever having met.

There was a time when advice on getting ahead introduced the novel notion of "networking" -- pursuing success by building on and taking advantage of one's personal connections. Today, the thought that anyone might need such instruction seems so 20th century. If a typical 11-year-old heard such advice presented as innovative strategy, he or she would collapse laughing.

Kids may not be climbing career ladders, but they are already adept at making social contacts, sharing them, manipulating and using them.

Two converging factors are responsible. Kids inhabit a larger and more varied everyday world than their parents did. Youngsters' social circles used to be small: family, maybe extended family, friends who lived nearby (who also were school friends), perhaps a few other acquaintances from Scouting, synagogue or church. Now, and especially here in L.A., kids have buddies from multiple neighborhoods in public or private schools that draw from across the city, involvement in religious school, after-school day-care programs, summer camps and sports.

Then there's the Internet. According to a June report from the National Center for Education Statistics, 80% of high school students, 70% of those in middle school, half of those in the elementary grades, and even 23% of kids in preschool go online.

By middle school, the majority are experienced with e-mail. They're slavish devotees of the Instant Message: A 2001 study by the Pew Internet & American Life Project found that a typical IM session was 30 minutes and involved three or more friends talking simultaneously.