Call me crazy, but that sounds like feeling guilty for being unable to walk forward and backward at the same time.
The 1950s-era paradigm of nuclear family life was culturally and economically relevant for less than 20 years, yet it continues to be held up as a historical norm. That suggests a fetishization of the Eisenhower era that extends well beyond midcentury modern furniture. We're simply obsessed with this period. But the truth is, before World War II, most women worked outside the home, even if that meant they were working in the fields (often with their children alongside them). They also had help from extended family members and neighbors -- that's right, the "village" that Hillary Clinton celebrates and that Flanagan sees as broken beyond repair.
From where I sit, which, admittedly, is on the couch where I can read without the interruption of feeding schedules or carpool duties, it seems to me that both sides of this debate have validity. As enticing as it sounds to be able to break away from rigid nuclear family structures and invite the community to participate in raising healthy children (in the form of universal healthcare, government subsidized day care or, ahem, decent public schools), the fact remains that even the most affluent communities now look more like the Mall of America than Mayberry. And if there's anyplace you don't want to turn your child loose, it's at the intersection of a video arcade and Victoria's Secret.
But it's worth remembering (or at least trying to believe) that in terms of sorting out these issues, we're still in a transitional time. It may seem like we're making the same complaints our mothers made, but we'd do well to remember that feminism, despite rumors of its death, is still in its early stages. Perhaps becoming a mother does mean realizing we haven't achieved as much equality as we thought we had. But perhaps, also, we can take steps (albeit baby steps) toward using our guilt for a good cause. If my generation can accomplish one goal, maybe it should be ensuring that our daughters don't feel as guilty as we did. But what kind of mother would do something like that?
