LONDON — David Beckham will play in the United States next year. David Beckham will remain in Spain next year. David Beckham will play in Scotland next year. David Beckham will play in Italy next year. David Beckham will return to England next year to play for either Blackburn, Bolton, Wigan, Aston Villa, Newcastle, Manchester City, West Ham or Tottenham.
David Beckham won't play anywhere next year but will become a doddering househusband and painter. David Beckham will play in Israel next year.
No, wait, David Beckham pretty much ruled out Israel but hasn't ruled out Kazakhstan. There's still time. He did rule out buying part of the Galaxy and becoming an actor.
It's still a heap of relocation speculation for a 31-year-old backup midfielder who's still a maestro only when the ball's still, but then, one backup in Real Madrid's midfield still might lead all earthlings in speculation generation. Factor in his wife, Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham -- who just house-shopped in Beverly Hills and may or may not have bought Audrey Hepburn's black Givenchy "Breakfast at Tiffany's" dress for $900,000 at auction -- and you have global media speculation that probably trumps even Clintons and Cruises who, after all, lack free-kick acumen.
In fact, there's so much Beckham speculation that even Beckham's look-alike spawns speculation. A website speculated this week as to whether the look-alike in the 2007 Celebrity Hunks Around the House Calendar, which features a Brad Pitt look-alike, a Prince William look-alike, and a Beckham look-alike cleaning a mirror, getting a mop out and chopping vegetables, is the same look-alike the Beckhams used in August, when David and Victoria doppelgangers turned up at the Superdrug on Oxford Street to promote the new Beckham fragrance, Intimately Beckham.
That look-alike reportedly was the same look-alike who became the subject of a TV documentary and attracted a ruckus on a trip to Japan. While the look-alike once had a tryout with Tottenham, the actual Beckham once starred for Manchester United and England's national team, whose captaincy he relinquished in July and whose new coach, Steve McClaren, left him off the squad in September.
Just the other day on the Sky Network, McClaren rated 26-year-old England team member Steven Gerrard a Beckham equal in the Beckham provinces of crosses and set-pieces. As for Beckham, "it's a case of the door is always open and you never know."
