"We have the technology" can be a frightening phrase whenever bored scientists start poking around in the world of sports.
Researchers in Australia are currently testing basketball jerseys equipped with luminescent panels that show how many points and fouls a player has and how much time is left in the game.
"Team sports uniforms already communicate information visually," developer Mitchell Page told New Scientist magazine. "We wanted to augment the existing team sports uniform model to communicate more relevant information, such as a player's stats and performance."
What are these researchers really saying about basketball players?
That they are either too lazy or too dumb to look at a scoreboard?
CBC News notes that former Toronto Raptors guard Chris Childs could have used the help in the waning seconds of the deciding game of a 2002 playoff series against Detroit.
Childs heaved an awkward three-point attempt while attempting to draw a foul, thinking the Raptors were trailing by four points. They were actually down by three.
Since their 1957 NFL championship, the Detroit Lions are 1-9 in postseason games. Name the team the Lions defeated for that lone post-1957 victory.
Six of one ...
Briefing's six-and-six picks format honors the win-loss records of Carolina, the New York Giants, Atlanta and Philadelphia:
* Carolina over the Giants: After 13 weeks, 17 NFL teams are at or within one game of .500. And these are two of them.
* San Diego over Denver: Three years after saying no to San Diego, Eli Manning is voted Chargers 2006 team MVP.
* Dallas over New Orleans: Saints defeated 49ers by borrowing 30-year-old game plan from the Yankees: "Reggie! Reggie! Reggie! Reggie!"
* Tennessee over Houston: Since 1981, two teams have won a game with negative passing yards, both hailing from Houston -- the 2006 Texans (last week) and the '81 Oilers. To commemorate the events, at halftime David Carr and Ken Stabler will take turns sacking each other.
* Cincinnati over Oakland: One of these teams lost to the minus-five-yards-passing Texans last week. Hint: Stabler used to play for these guys too.
* Indianapolis over Jacksonville: Tony Dungy vows to keep calling last-second timeouts until someone kicks a 64-yard game-winning field goal against him.
... Half a dozen
of the other
As Jon Gruden lobbies the NFL for a new 21-point field goal, Briefing closes out this week's picks:
* Baltimore over Kansas City: Despite blowing a 14-0 lead in Cleveland and losing to Browns backup quarterback, Chiefs decline NFL's request that they recuse themselves from playoffs.
* Atlanta over Tampa Bay: "If Chiefs have no shame, why should I?" says Gruden, who saved his team from losing, 20-0, to Pittsburgh by calling for a last-play field goal.
* Philadelphia over Washington: Jeff Garcia has now officially come back from the dead three times. Before this, he came back from Cleveland, then from Detroit.
* Minnesota over Detroit: Lions' Roy Williams ends race for Most Deluded Optimist of the Year with title-clinching entry, "Look, we're 2-10. It's a good 2-10."
* San Francisco over Green Bay: Finally, Willie Mays comes clean, admits he spent last summer giving career advice to Brett Favre.
* New England over Miami: Which event freaked out Boston fans the most last week? The Patriots' almost losing to the Lions, or the Red Sox's signing J.D. Drew?
Detroit defeated Dallas, 38-6, in the 1991 divisional playoffs to advance to the NFC championship game. There, the Lions lost to Washington, 41-10.
Keyshawn Johnson, talking about Terrell Owens on the "Best Damn Sports Show Period": "I love him to death, but something has to be wrong with him. I thought I was crazy. He's got me and Steve Smith beat. And it's not the wide receiver position. Trust me. It has to do with the individual."