Undead presidents
Unhappy with the current crop of presidential hopefuls? Then elect a zombie! That's the theory behind Zombie Presidents, a line of T-shirts promoting a return to power for several undead leaders. "Voters have been looking for another John F. Kennedy since his assassination in 1963," explains ZombiePresidents.com. "Now the search is over! The original JFK is back!" So are zombie versions of Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan and Abe Lincoln, all priced at $16.
*
Bottle-opener in chief
It's the next best thing to hanging out with the \o7old\f7 George W. Bush, the one who knew how to party. Meet Drink'n with Dubya, a talking bottle opener that plays one of Bush's syntax-impaired sentences every time you crack open a brewski. The more you drink, the more sense he makes. Available for $7.99 at MadMoments.com.
*
Valley of the dolls
Forget Barbie and Ken. The new plastic power couple is Jackie Kennedy and Ulysses S. Grant. Or maybe Laura Bush and Teddy Roosevelt. The possibilities are numerous, thanks to Toypresidents.com's collection of talking White House figurines. The list of $29.95 toys also includes a talking Jesus, Einstein and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
*
Third-party candidates
Ross Perot, Ralph Nader and John Anderson couldn't do it. But there's a new third-party presidential ticket in town: Comedy Central's Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Show your support with a "Stewart-Colbert '08 or the terrorists win" bumper sticker. Priced at $3.95, it's waiting to be plastered on your car at cafepress.com.
*
Instant sound bites
Why hire speechwriters when you can mix and match some of the most memorable political quotes in history? "Four score and seven years ago ... I did not inhale ... the great state of Chicago." With Magnetic Poetry's Mixed-up Politician kit, it's easy to assemble brilliant stump speeches right on your own refrigerator. Never be "misunderestimated" again. Available for $9.95 at magneticpoetry.com.
*
Stoke a political firestorm
Moses encountered a burning bush in the Sinai Desert. Now you can meet one in your own living room. It's the George W. Bush fire-starter. The modern Bush, which retails for $14.95 at BaronBob.com, isn't likely to lead you out of Egypt, but it does make excellent kindling. So does its Democratic counterpart, the Flaming Liberal fire-starter, featuring a flammable Hillary Clinton. The manufacturer says the product is best if used by election day 2008.
