MY boyfriend, Roy, seemed surprised when I first asked for a receipt. I guess because in his family everyone pretends to like their Christmas gifts.
But after two years of Christmas presents, Roy was used to me not faking giftgasms. Because I believe if you fake it, then you lose the opportunity to teach your significant other what you really want.
At my house, no one pretended anything. For better or worse, my family never believed in keeping things inside. My Dad tossed a sweater at me telling me to take it back. I'd tell my parents, "Ugh, next time just give me cash." And my brother threw lawn darts at me if I didn't give him a "Star Wars" action figure. Receipts went into the bottom of every gift box.
I still tell my mother to never give me anything because it's always bad. This is a woman who buys her gifts at the dollar store. Last Christmas, I got a book on writing that she found at the canned food outlet.
I guess my family's belief is, "Why pretend to like anything? Most people will appreciate knowing what you really like." But I guess that lesson could be better told without lawn darts.
At my house, my mother gave Roy $20 and a book penned by William Shatner that she found at the dollar store. He seemed pleased and my mother felt vindicated (but at least she took my suggestion on the cash).
But sometimes Roy seemed oblivious to the subtle. My hints for a butterfly necklace went unheeded and instead he gave me "created" sapphire earrings. You know, all the improbable color and clarity of real semi-precious stones but without any real value -- although their price is real enough. I consider them an abomination and a racket. (I dislike them almost as much as peach-scented anything.)
Roy didn't seem bothered by my cool response.
At Roy's mother's house, his sisters oohed and aahed at potpourri and $10 gift certificates to Borders. Then my turn came.
I'm not technically family so I knew my gift wouldn't be extravagant. I opened up the snowman wrapping paper with stick-on bows. I pulled out a full bathroom set with body lotion, body spray, soap and bath crystals, all -- \o7peach-scented.\f7
As my head spun in a peachy miasma, I realized my choices were to pretend to like it and get peach-scented towels, candles and soaps until our 50th wedding anniversary or be honest and risk offending his well-meaning family.
