A Day With NASCAR Turns Out to Be Grand

I'd rather go to a hockey game, catch a soccer match after lunch and then play golf behind a foursome of women. Then maybe finish off the night having dinner with the Grocery Store Bagger and get an update from him on what has been happening on "American Idol" before shooting myself.

"We'll make it a $1,000 donation if you enjoy the experience," she said, and so I found myself standing in front of Tony Stewart's holler Saturday morning.

Now right away I thought it was cool that NASCAR announces ahead of time that one of its drivers, a guy who has already gone through anger management classes, is going to holler at everyone, until someone told me we were going to Stewart's hauler, or his hauling van.

"I am calm, cool and collected," Stewart said to a crowd of admiring reporters. "You're going to have to work really hard today to tick me off."

Yeah, that was hard -- it took one question from Page 2.

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STEWART WAS the first NASCAR driver I saw up close, and knowing these guys climb into their cars through the window, I was surprised the Little Pudgy Guy could make it. I would've asked him about it, but Stewart made national headlines recently, saying, "Someone is going to get killed," and for all I knew he was talking about reporters.

Stewart complained that bump-drafting was out of control at Daytona, and I've been saying that as long as I can remember. Of course Stewart made those comments, and then went out of his way in Daytona to bump another car, eventually sending it into the wall.

That made him sound like a hypocrite, but I thought I might get the Little Pudgy Driver's side before calling him names.

"If you want to talk about California, I've got all the time in the world," he said. "If you want to talk about last week, you might as well turn around."

The thing about a hypocrite, you never know if he means what he says, so I asked him about last week, telling him this was my first race.

"Hey, Bud," he snapped, "I don't care. Last week is over."

I asked how he fared in high school history, given his reluctance to embrace the past, and he said, "Terrible," and I wasn't surprised.

"Do you feel safe this week?" I asked, because he was worried someone was going to get killed, and it was also a sneaky way to get him to talk about last week. Then teasingly added, "That's a good question."