Housebreaking the toddler
THE TODDLER slept late on Saturday, his little gift to the rest of the family so tolerant of his toddler quirks. Like when he filled in some spots on the beagle one morning with pink Magic Marker. Or the occasional missed appointments with the potty.
He's trying, that's the important thing. I mean, who gets everything in life right the first time?
"Just look at all those Kennedy kids," I tell the toddler.
"OK, Daddy."
"You'll do better," I tell him.
"I will?" he asks.
"I was a slow starter myself," I say.
This doesn't comfort him as much as you might think. He worries that he's not carrying his own weight around the house, worries that -- though he can now dress himself -- he has no great feel for tying his shoes. When he squirts toothpaste on the brush, he makes a mess of things, getting blue Sesame Street toothpaste in the grout his mother just scrubbed.
With a toddler, there is rarely a quiet moment, a minute of repose or reflection. If he stands still a second, someone will approach him with a washcloth or a comb and attempt to groom him to an unrealistic degree. At which time he will let out the orneriest howl.
"Quiet!" someone yells, usually his brother.
"OK!" the toddler yells back.
"You know, he was 3 once too," I assure the toddler.
"He was 2?" he asks, not quite understanding.
"And 3 also," I say.
Then there are the potty problems. Someone gave him this handsome new book "Tinkle, Tinkle, Little Tot," full of little rhymes to help toddlers understand potty training missteps. Maybe you've seen it in the bookstores. Maybe not.
One of the authors is Bruce Lansky, who also penned the constipation classic "Mary Had a Little Jam."
Lansky has written 13 other popular children's books. I haven't read them all. But if you liked "The Da Vinci Code," you'd probably love "Tinkle, Tinkle, Little Tot."
Tinkle, tinkle, little tot,
sitting there upon the pot.
Any second now, you'll see
Sprinkle, splash, you'll go pee!
Tinkle, tinkle, little tot,
sitting there upon the pot.
If you ask me, that's just great writing. It's involving and dramatic with an economy of language you won't get from, say, Norman Mailer. The toddler giggles when I read him the poems, not to mention his mother, who could use a good giggle these days, living with us, no happy ending in sight.
