Fast. OK, really fast.
THE 2006 Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution MR is the fastest ugly car in the world. I mean that in the nicest possible way.
After all, making ugly fast is no small feat. Fast cars are typically low-slung, wide and rakish, aerodynamically optimized in the wind tunnel for high speeds and stability. Our innate sense of aesthetics responds to this kind of sleek-ifying in the same way we recognize a cheetah, a porpoise or a peregrine falcon as beautiful.
The stubby and thick Evo MR, on the other hand, is more like a rocket-powered groundhog, or a baby hippo fired out of a cannon. Fast. Ugly.
As appropriate for the name, it has taken many years of selective genetics to bring the Evo MR to its current fast/ugly nexus. The Evo line began in 1992 when Mitsubishi started building amped-up versions of its geeky Lancer sedan to compete in World Rally Championship racing.
In the next decade, while Evos tore up the WRC circuit, the ever-more-powerful street versions became the golden idols of performance pagans everywhere -- everywhere, that is, except the U.S., where emissions standards made importation too expensive. This left thousands of young American men grieving in their parents' basements, as the car was a star in video games such as "Gran Turismo" and "Need for Speed."
Finally, in 2003, encouraged by the success of Subaru's Impreza WRX STi, Mitsubishi began importing the eighth generation of the Evo, known to praetorians as the Evo VIII.
By that time, the template was well established: Take one scandalously average-looking compact sedan; turbocharge the bejeezus out of it; rig the undercarriage with an advanced all-wheel drivetrain; string it in a cat's cradle of Bilstein shocks, stiff springs and stabilizer bars; hang some pizza-size Brembo brakes, alloy rims and gummy tires at the corners; stick a Momo wheel and some Recaro seats in the cabin; dress it in the most outrageous aero cladding, spoilers and splitters the mind of an 11-year-old can conceive
But fast. Unnaturally, unhealthily, hail-Mary-full-of-torque fast. These glorified beaters routinely outpace Porsches and Ferraris. With their wormhole acceleration, telepathic steering, fantastic grip and rib-bruising brakes, Evos are the cars to drive if, say, it absolutely, positively has to get to LAX in 15 minutes.
