"The Marine," the movie debut of wrestler John Cena, overflows with half-witted one-liners, women in tank tops, big guns, fistfights, explosions (lots of explosions), careening cars and even alligators. In other words, it's like an action movie from the 1980s somehow transported through a bizarre wormhole to the strange future of 2006. Satiric drive-in movie reviewer Joe Bob Briggs might have advised to check it out.
The opening sets the stage with footage that looks as if it were cut from a recruitment ad, as the Stars and Stripes reflect in the blade of a sword, and the sequence ends with the star in full dress blues snapping off a salute. From there, the film moves to a terrorist compound in Iraq, where soldier John Triton (Cena) disobeys orders -- "No time!" he snaps -- and single-handedly saves some hostages and dispatches a cadre of bad guys. Once home, after being discharged for his actions, he struggles to settle into civilian life.
Taking a road trip, Triton and his wife (Kelly Carlson) stop at a gas station where they inadvertently intersect with a group of loose-cannon jewel thieves led by Robert Patrick (yes, there's a "Terminator" reference). In no time the baddies have kidnapped the wife, taken Triton's truck and, for good measure, blown up the station. From there the presence-deprived Cena works variations of "They've got my wife!" and the action becomes a fairly standard chase-through-the-swamp adventure. With explosions.