Is a man's virginity an asset?
Dear Amy: "Saving Myself for Marriage" asked at what age being a male virgin would turn off women. I can tell you and him that it wouldn't be a turnoff for me if the guy were a turn-on otherwise. I would likely never marry a virgin, however, because I don't think I'd ever marry a man I hadn't slept with first.
Sexually Active
Dear Active: "Saving Myself for Marriage" called his virginity his "greatest asset." My view is that a person's virginity is not necessarily his or her greatest asset. Surely there is much more to value about any of us. Here are a few representative responses from readers.
Dear Amy: The day "Saving" started thinking of his virginity as the best thing he had going for him was the day it became a handicap. I was in a long-term relationship with a man who had fewer partners than I had. Although I never discussed my number, he definitely harped on his. If a man hasn't lost his virginity by the time he's graduated from college, he's most likely waited too long.
One Woman's Opinion
Dear Amy: Any guy who saves himself for marriage demonstrates discipline, character and virtue. All of these traits are attractive, and any girl who does not appreciate this does not deserve him. This guy needs to be reminded of what a great gift he will give to his future wife, the woman who will treasure these qualities forever.
Jenny
Dear Amy: I know this from experience. A guy saving his virginity for marriage or "the one" becomes a turnoff the moment he starts being defensive. "Saving" should be upfront and proud of his decision, without sounding holier than thou. Potential mates will respect both the decision and him.
Wait for It
Dear Amy: If "Saving" thinks of his lack of experience in sexual matters as his greatest asset, then he's already lost. Anyone's greatest asset in a relationship is the emotional and intellectual maturity to commit to someone, to be interested in and respectful of his or her interests, ideas and achievements. Skill in bed can be learned at any age, but basic decency, compassion, sharing, honesty and moral character are much more valuable.
Meg in St. Louis
Dear Amy: Tell "Saving" that past the age of about 22, his virginity is going to be considered a liability (not an asset) by most women who do not have firmly held religious beliefs.
Twentysomething Woman
