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Wknd Feedback

August 16, 2007

Love affairs

for the ages

Re "Too Good to Be True?" [Tell, Aug. 9]: Is Bruce Catania on crack? Ending a perfectly wonderful relationship with a perfectly wonderful woman because it might end for a certain imagined reason? All relationships face this possibility. Bruce's preemptive breakup was obviously because of his own fears, couched in concern for her.

There have been substantial age differences in my last few relationships, and I have found the only real dealbreaker is the prospect of having children.

Lori Oddino

Silver Lake

I'm 45 and play basketball with a bunch of middle-aged guys on weekends, and the column sparked quite a debate.

First, did you really love your now ex-girlfriend? My friend argued that if you really loved your girlfriend, you would have fought for the relationship. He thinks you should live in the moment and enjoy the time you have. I argued that you obviously loved your girlfriend, and that's why you broke up. You put her needs ahead of yours. I assumed you probably would not want to have any more children, and that your girlfriend would eventually want children. You were watching her biological clock.

Second, do you believe your girlfriend loved you? In the last paragraph, you write that your girlfriend was ". . . talking on her cellphone. She was smiling."

My friend insisted that you were inferring that your girlfriend didn't really love you and she was relieved that the relationship was over. I'm not so sure.

Vincent Pitts

West Los Angeles

I am the female version of Bruce Catania. I have been involved with a man 18 years younger, and as much as it is flattering and it makes friends envious, there is this underlying insecurity that keeps rearing its ugly head. While with my PYT (pretty young thing), it is very enjoyable. But away from him, the realization of our age difference constantly hits home. It is inevitable that it will become an issue.

Just like Bruce, I have turned my relationship to "just friends."

Charlene Emerson

Inglewood

You waited a year? Why not break up the first week when you sensed it going good and you were too old for her? Didn't your philosophy apply then? What age difference would have worked? You want guarantees in life? Buy a burial plot.

You are afraid. Afraid she will dump you. Next week or next year. Or maybe on your deathbed at 89, you would say to your 72-year-old wife, "Thank you for the best 40 years of my life." And she'd day, "No, thank you for the best 40 years of my life."

William Gelband

Cerritos

Seventeen years is nothing, try 23.

I am 40 and have been married to my husband Michael, who is 63, for six years. Before that, we dated for five years. We chose to ignore the long-term odds and enjoy our lives together.

He doesn't live in fear that I will leave him when he's 80, and I don't fear that a day will come that I will find him unappealing and just plain old.

We take our relationship one day at a time, and live meaningful lives. We inspire each other to be healthy and vibrant, and where there is genuine love, there is no need to worry.

Rebecca Dochterman

Roney

Sierra Madre

"Too good to be true?" should have been called "too ridiculous to be real."

In the real world, 95% of the men on this planet would love to be in his position. My friends and I have reached a consensus: If the writer is indeed real, he should pre-register with AARP now, and join in their singles program.

G.M. Abrams

Los Angeles

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