MARK HEISLER / ON THE NBA - This property is still a fixer-upper

Sterling World Plaza

Beverly Hills, Calif. 90210

Dear Donald,

I'm sorry I've been out of touch, but we don't get much time between developments in the Kobe Bryant story.

As you may have heard, Kobe is trying to find a team that meets all his requirements: glamour market for marketing cachet, promising roster for a chance to win a title.

Apart from the team he's on, I mean.

But enough about Kobe for five minutes, how are you?

I know, you just want to win.

Actually, you had to know that would be problematic for the Clippers without Elton Brand and Shaun Livingston. Didn't someone explain that before the season?

Oh, they did and you still just want to win. That must be why you chased that referee up and down the sideline. Luckily, Leroy Richardson just thought it was some deranged fan, which is why you haven't heard from the league office.

I know you could use some cheering up and I have great news: Since we don't know how this Kobe thing will turn out, the town could be up for grabs!Not that the town would count it as such great news if the local fortunes were suddenly up to you.

I know, for two seasons you were great. You were so taken with Mike Dunleavy, you all but handed him the basketball operation. When Mike said pay, you paid, which is how Chris Kaman got his $52-million deal, not to mention how Mike got his $21-million deal.

I understand it was upsetting when Kaman plopped right into the tank last season, followed by your entire team.

Unfortunately, there's a difference between your two fields of endeavor. When you buy a building, it doesn't know it. It just sits there and appreciates. People are more complicated, and we're not even sure if Chris is from this planet. In any event, he's even more complicated than that.

Happily, wherever he's from, they have really skilled big people who are athletic to boot, even if they don't look it, and it can take them years to figure out our world.

I can imagine what you went through -- and what Dunleavy must have heard all last season:

I paid $52 million for THIS guy?

It was clear the situation called for dramatic measures, the return of -- you. I remember when we talked at mid-season and you insisted Corey Maggette, who had one more season on his contract and was then at odds with Mike, would not be traded. In other words, Mike's cachet was ebbing.