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Oh, brother!

December 30, 2007|Monica Corcoran | Times Staff Writer

Q: This is going to sound horrible, but hear me out.

My younger brother is visiting from Long Island over the holidays, and he wants to "see stars." But he's not talking about the Walk of Fame. I'm a talent agent, and one of my clients is having a high-profile New Year's Eve party. There will be A-list actors, directors and producers there, for sure. If I bring my brother, who is 37 and loud, to this party, he will drink a lot and annoy the most famous person in the room. (Last time I took him to a premiere, he told the lead actress that her fake orgasm was Oscar-worthy.) He also sells car alarm systems, and I am sure that he will pitch to my clients, which is mortifying. I've always been a good older brother. How can I go to the party and leave him at home without looking like a jerk?

-- G.T., Santa Monica

Dear G.T.,

You had me at "horrible" and lost me at "looking like a jerk." Clearly, you are not nearly as concerned with your brother's feelings as you are with maintaining this facade of being a decent guy. Drop the ruse, bub. You're an agent, for God's sake.

Having an embarrassing younger brother is actually quite chic. Theodore Roosevelt had Elliott, who preferred moonshine to politics. President Carter's lil' bro tried to sell the country on Billy Beer in 1977, and Bill Clinton's half-brother Roger had some run-ins with the law and a checkered acting career that included a small part in "Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings." (Roger, incidentally, and Frank Stallone, no less, play themselves in a cameo in the new movie "Fred Claus," a story of brothers divided.)

All this to say that you can't go to this high-profile party without him. Your brother flew out here to see you and collect some flashy stories to tell his pals when he returns.

Be a sport and lend him your best Armani tie and show him how to do the Hollywood hug -- slight bodily contact with heavy back patting.

That doesn't mean that you let him chug Cristal and hawk a LoJack to Ben Kingsley. Tell your brother -- in no uncertain terms -- that this is really a "work party" (my favorite Hollywood oxymoron) and that you need for him to act marginally professional.

Explain the rules: a) Any direct interaction with celebs must first be approved by you and not exceed two minutes for A-list movie stars and three minutes for TV types and character actors. Anyone with no current projects is fair game for five minutes. Same goes for spouses of celebrities, looking lost and neglected, and b) If you so much as hear the words "keyless entry" or "override switch," he's banished to hang out with the valets for the rest of the night.

You should also consider making the party a pit stop, rather than a destination. Drop in, clink flutes with a few notables and feign that you're getting over a flu you caught atop Machu Picchu.

If you do stay, though, be sure to find your brother at midnight and give him a bear hug.

Even if he's trying to persuade George Clooney to autograph your Armani tie.


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