Message to Rick: Slicker doesn't cut it in this city

Merry Christmas, Rick.

Don't blow it.

Gift of a lifetime, Rick.

Don't break it.

UCLA summoned home its prodigal son Saturday, offering one more swing to a notorious hacker beset with two strikes.

Last pitch, Rick.

Miss it, and you'll never see another one.

After spending a month apparently trying to talk themselves out of it, UCLA officials have finally sighed and wiped their palms and handed their football program to Rick Neuheisel, boy wonder turned boy blunder turned . . . new man?

Five years after being fired by Washington after a basketball betting incident, nine years after committing recruiting violations that put Colorado on probation, Neuheisel needed about 10 seconds to run his first UCLA play.

Call it the power-I remorse.

"I used poor judgment, I made poor decisions, and I take all the responsibility for them," he said in a conference call.

Then he ran a down-and-out maturity pass route.

"I'm not proud of it, but I've learned from it," he said.

He finished with an off-tackle vow.

"You have my absolute, unequivocal promise that this will never take place again," he said.

At age 46, Neuheisel is clearly older.

But, thrown into a big-city heat far worse than anything he encountered in Boulder or Seattle, will he be wiser?

Is asking a recruiting violator to compete with USC like asking a chronic overeater to live in a Cheesecake Factory?

This is the question upon which the future of this program rests.

If Neuheisel stays out of trouble, his brains and enthusiasm will be well worth his five-year, $1.25-million-a-year contract.

If he strays, then the entire program goes bankrupt.

Following Neuheisel to the street would be Dan Guerrero, the athletic director who has made his mark by running a program committed to academic and athletic integrity.

Yeah, Mr. Clean just hired a guy once known as "Slick Rick."

"As part of due diligence, we did speak to a number of people about Rick, I needed to get assurances in my mind," Guerrero said. "I looked Rick in the eye, he looked me in the eye."

And then, when nobody better became available, the athletic director held his breath and slipped on some sunglasses.

"In the end, it was all about 66 collegiate wins, a percentage that places him among the top active coaches in the country, and an opportunity for Rick to start anew with a clean slate at his alma mater," Guerrero said.