It's all about Bears, Colts and a Prince with clowns

MIAMI — Three days before the Super Bowl, and I am dutifully taking notes at a news conference for a man wearing orange high heels.

"Go, Johnny go," said Prince Rogers Nelson. "Go Johnny go."

Three days before the Super Bowl, and I am dutifully taking notes at a news conference for mimes.

\o7Peck, peck, peck. \f7A woman dressed like a toucan, crouched next to me, is pounding her bill on my head.

Three days before the Super Bowl, and after two weeks of bells and whistles and women dressed like referees riding upon men dressed like storks, one question has gone unanswered.

What about the game?

The Indianapolis Colts are playing the Chicago Bears on Sunday, but you wouldn't know it for all the diamond-studded soda raffles and soup news briefings and centerfold parties.

There are stories and news releases and parties for football players building houses, football players donating money to youth centers, football players bowling at the Dolphin Mall.

Are there any football players actually, you know, playing football?

The week's activities are outlined in a book of 35 pages -- in which the game rates one paragraph.

On Thursday, the news release touting the pregame show was 10 pages. The official reports on the teams' practices were one page each.

"I think people always recognize this game as a form of entertainment," said Billy Joel, shrugging.

With black baseball cap and black leather jacket and trademark scowl, Joel on Thursday appeared in three consecutive news conferences that did not include one person directly involved in the game.

He's singing the national anthem, which would be really cool and smoky and soulful except for two things:

First, he didn't appear to know who was playing in the game. "I always root for New York," he said.

Second, he is no fan of the national anthem.

"It's a tough song, not the greatest song ever written," he said. " 'America the Beautiful' is actually a better song.

"Nobody remembers the lyrics, and they don't know what they mean. It's kind of a slog, really."

Joel repeatedly said he couldn't believe he was actually appearing at a news conference for a two-minute song.

One can only imagine, then, how the Cirque du Soleil folks must have felt.

The acrobatic pregame performers also held a news conference, and they don't even speak.

"We want to bring happiness and hope," said Romero Britto, guest creator for the show.