Joe Biden's just a barrel of gaffes

DELAWARE Sen. Joe Biden has been telling people for months that he's going to run for president, as if nobody could actually believe it. Even when he formally announced last week, I still didn't believe it. In fact, I'm not quite sure what it would take to make me believe it. If I turned on the television and watched Biden formally accepting the nomination at the Democratic National Convention, I might believe it then. (On the other hand, I'd probably figure I was suffering some hallucinatory episode and check myself into a hospital.)

I'm not saying Biden shouldn't be president. I have tons of respect for him, and I think he'd do a terrific job if he could get it. I just find it amusing that he thinks there's some chance he could actually become president. It's a case study of that bizarre mental affliction that strikes so many senators. They see younger, less-experienced Senate colleagues -- who are far less esteemed than they are -- running for president, and they're offended. If the 100 senators were the only ones who could vote, Biden would probably beat Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama. Unfortunately for Biden, that's not how it works.

Biden's charming cluelessness was on display in a recent ABC news interview. The famously verbose senator was asked to state in 25 words or less why Democrats should nominate him. His response was 45 words. I suppose that, by Biden's standards, coming in at just under twice his allotted length counts as a victory of sorts. Biden then explained why he could win: "If people learn my story, learn my record, I think I can compete. The question is, can I raise the money?" This is sort of like me saying that I think I can compete for a starting NFL quarterback job, but the question is, can I avoid injuries? It's a question, but it's certainly not the question.

In addition to his uncontrollable verbosity, Biden is a gaffe machine. He ran for president 20 years ago but had to abandon his campaign when it was discovered that he had plagiarized speeches from a British politician, substituting in key details to make the story his own.

In his latest effort, Biden wasted no time subverting his already microscopic chances. On the day of his announcement, he mused about Illinois Sen. Obama: "I mean, you got the first mainstream African American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy."