He's here to serve, and sell, a Greater good

You want to sell soccer in America?

Vend it like Beckham.

You want to repair the divide between the millions of Americans who play soccer and the thousands who actually watch it?

Mend it like Beckham.

You want people to think soccer here will finally become a major sport and live happily ever after?

Pretend it like Beckham.

Arguably the world's most famous athlete is coming to work in Los Angeles, but there's something you should know.

David Beckham is not joining the Galaxy as an athlete, but as an advertising campaign.

He is coming as soccer swag, a walking Super Bowl commercial, a big-haired billboard.

His job here is not to win, but to give his sport one last chance to work in the biggest place where it doesn't.

His success will be defined not by corner kicks, but by converts.

"Soccer in America is the biggest-played sport up to a certain age," Beckham said in a televised message. "That's where I want to take it to another level. Potentially it can go higher than anyone can probably believe in America."

Translated, it's his job to round up those baggy-shorted runts clogging up \o7your\f7 park and herd them over to \o7his\f7 park.

That's all fine and good, but this has been tried here before, remember? A big star showed up to sell a secondary sport, and it worked for a while, but once that star disappeared, so did the sport.

Guy by the name of Gretzky.

Beckham's job is to be greater than the Great One.

No wonder he is being paid roughly $50 million a year for five years, miracles being worth at least much.

"Right now, the move means a ton; I've never seen ESPN this excited about soccer in my life," said Sigi Schmid, coach of Major League Soccer's Columbus Crew and former coach of the Galaxy. "But the real test will be down the road, in how it can help elevate our league and our sport."

Here's hoping Beckham at least does better than in his last two jobs; he was cut by England's national team and benched by Real Madrid.

Right now, at best, it's a bad news-good news deal.

The bad news is, at age 31, Beckham is not among the world's elite players anymore.

The good news is, neither is anybody else in MLS.

Beckham's joining the Galaxy is a little like if Mike Piazza were to join the Nippon Ham Fighters. Talent is relative. Running alongside the locals, Beckham will look like Gulliver.