Ready to steer you right, Mrs. Delgadillo

In the interest of public safety, I'd like to volunteer to serve as driver for the wife of L.A. City Atty. Rocky Delgadillo.

Let's say Michelle Delgadillo needs to go to the store or pick up the kids.

Let's say she gets hauled into court on a warrant, things don't work out too well, and she needs a ride to the Lynwood hoosegow to bunk with Paris Hilton for a few days.

I'm her guy.

I'm on 24-hour call, and I won't charge a penny. My reward will be the relief I get from knowing she's not behind the wheel.

As my colleague Matt Lait reports in today's paper, Michelle Delgadillo's driving problems go back to at least 1998, when Santa Monica issued a bench warrant for her arrest after she failed to appear in court for driving an unregistered vehicle with no proof of insurance and a suspended license -- a scofflaw trifecta!

Sound familiar? That's right. She was also driving on a suspended license when she banged her husband's city-owned GMC Yukon into a pole in 2004.

As for Michelle's husband, it's not as if he's Mr. Responsible himself, which is all the more reason for me to be his wife's chauffeur.

As we established on Monday, Rocky and Michelle in fact tooled around in their Ford Expedition for more than a year while neither had car insurance.

Frightening thought, isn't it?

Two uninsured drivers barreling around Los Angeles in an SUV the size of Dodger Stadium.

Let's see, a Yukon GMC, a Ford Expedition. The Delgadillos are just a Hummer short of being able to blow their own hole through the ozone.

And what a great way to put money away for the college fund. As anyone with car insurance knows, the Delgadillos have saved a small fortune by driving without.

Whoops. Here I am, almost halfway through the column, and I forgot to mention that the Delgadillos ran up $251 in penalties over the last three years for late payment of parking tickets, including one that wasn't paid off until 18 months after it was issued.

It sure had to be embarrassing for the city attorney to admit on Tuesday that his wife Michelle collected those tickets, because that was yet more proof that she was driving without insurance or a license.

He's the city attorney, and yet his family photo could be used in a campaign against scofflaws. Given the way he manages his personal affairs, you have to wonder if he's competent to run a huge city department.