A Mother's Day kiss-off
THIS MORNING, millions of proud mothers will be presented with special, homemade breakfasts by their beaming children. There will be Mother's Day presents and cards, including precious handmade creations from the kids and joking or romantic ones from Dad.
But then the world, having made its annual perfunctory nod to the contributions of American mothers, will move on, leaving us once again to cope with our inordinate responsibilities, largely on our own.
Those responsibilities -- and the personal sacrifices they typically entail -- generate a permanent state of simmering anger in all too many women. Some deny it even to themselves. But the evidence is everywhere.
Last month, a Washington Post review of my new book asked why it is that so many mothers are so angry. After noting that lack of sleep doesn't fully explain this pervasive phenomenon, the writer suggested that motherhood represents the first time most women run headfirst into fundamental inequities -- not just the biological differences between men and women but also the disproportionate burdens imposed by a culture that still regards the raising of children as the mother's responsibility.
The result is often a painful collision between family needs and workplace realities. Even all these years after the women's movement emerged, working mothers must still confront the intransigence of a corporate culture whose extreme hours, inflexible structures and hostility toward caretaking needs can make the juggling act very difficult. Most husbands still view child care and household chores as women's work, even when those women are working full time.
Stressed and resentful, the majority of women nonetheless continue to work, many out of financial necessity. Others quit their jobs to stay home, although the price may include conflicted feelings about having had to make such a "choice."
Both working mothers and stay-at-home moms have good reason for resentment, but it's the latter group that is most at risk. Although our culture tends to romanticize full-time motherhood, forgoing an independent income can make mothers and their children profoundly vulnerable to economic hardship, among other problems.
If a breadwinner dies, divorces his wife or becomes unemployed, homemakers often cannot find decent jobs to support their families. Years later, they often remain shocked and furious as well as grief-stricken, feeling deeply betrayed.
