In the half-century since Hollywood first flirted with 3-D movies, the special glasses required for viewing have gotten a whole lot more substantial. The stories being filmed, however, are just as flimsy.
Of course "Beowulf," which was screened for critics only in 3-D, does have a more impressive literary pedigree than, say, "Bwana Devil." Seamus Heaney, who did an admired recent translation from the Anglo-Saxon, called it "one of the foundation works of poetry in English." But you'd never know that by what director Robert Zemeckis has put on screen.
Working from a script by Neil Gaiman and Roger Avary, "Beowulf's" story of a hero who slays monsters has become a Fan Boy Fantasy that panders to the young male demographic with demonic energy. As Avary says in the press material, with a lot more truth than poetry, "I think teens will get their rocks off with this film." If they don't, the simultaneous release (are you surprised?) of a triple-A video game should certainly help.
Given this aim, even though one authority comments that the original Beowulf "contains curiously little action," it's to be expected that the movie version is overstuffed with gore- fest moments like geysers of blood spurting from eyeballs and a monster chewing loudly on a bitten-off head. Ah, to be 15 again, or at least old enough to avoid the film's spurious PG-13 rating.
If you are old enough to vote, however, seeing all this in 3-D may not be the thrill of a lifetime. Seeing the naked rear-end of an old and overweight man in that extra dimension is probably not a treat for anyone of any age. Though it is amusing to see a return to the staples of 1950s 3-D like spears thrown directly at the audience, the film's dimensionality feels more like a gimmick than an added value.
Also not helping is Zemeckis' use of the same performance-capture system he employed on "Polar Express," a technique that transfers the actors' motions to the screen but allows their appearance to be monkeyed with.
So Anthony Hopkins can be made old and fat as King Hrothgar and Angelina Jolie can appear naked when she isn't as the monster Grendel's mother. It's a procedure that pleased Ray Winstone, Beowulf himself, because "it allowed someone like me, who is 5-feet-10 and a little on the plump side, to play a 6-foot-6 golden-haired Viking."
