Nearly 10 years ago, Sarah Gray stood before her fellow seniors at Mater Dei gushing about a high school experience made richer by the nurturing environment and religion.
On Monday, her voice cracking and her faith shaken, the former valedictorian stood before reporters and took sharp aim at her alma mater, its administrators and the Roman Catholic Diocese of Orange, which runs the school.
Gray, 26, was one of four women who last week reached a $6.8-million settlement in molestation lawsuits against the diocese. She and two others for the first time publicly talked about their ordeals, describing an atmosphere in which they felt abandoned and victimized by those they had turned to for help.
"They completely turned on me," Gray said of her Mater Dei teachers and the administration at the Santa Ana school. "The Catholic Church is supposed to protect children."
Fellow Mater Dei graduate Christina Ruiz, also 26, had similar recollections.
"They made me believe no one would believe me. They made me believe it was my fault," Ruiz said, fighting tears. "I was victimized all over again. . . . They still haven't apologized to me."
Peter Callahan, the lead attorney for the diocese in the cases, said the young women were handled as gently and compassionately as possible under the circumstances. Without mentioning dollar amounts, he said the diocese had made settlement offers. But when that didn't work, there was no choice but to move forward.
"Sometimes the questions we ask are dictated by the claims that are made," he said of the depositions. "Sometimes those matters are painful to talk about. Sometimes the questions are painful to ask."
Some critics and an advocacy group said they see a familiar theme in the words of the victims -- a church with a cultural arrogance, a combative strategy against accusers and a resistance to change despite mammoth monetary settlements with sexual abuse victims.
Orange County Bishop Tod Brown drew praise in early 2004 when he nailed a "Covenant With the Faithful" to the doors of his Holy Family Cathedral in Orange to reassure parishioners that the diocese had embarked on a new day of openness and compassion.
David Clohessy, executive director of the Survivors Network of Those Abused by Priests, was among those who now finds a hollowness to that proclamation.
