Revolt of the snack mom

Intensive parenting is a relatively recent American invention, and the evidence suggests that it's not one of our better contributions to humanity. That mad swirl of activities? You get burned-out kids incapable of entertaining themselves. That homework you and your first-grader struggle through? It has zero educational benefit. That superhuman effort you make to protect your kids from every conceivable danger? It's not necessarily helpful if it means they never learn how to evaluate dangers for themselves. Someday, our kids will have to function without us.

And, um, how about us grown-ups?

It's not a coincidence that the emergence of the modern ideology of intensive parenting directly tracks the large-scale entry of women -- especially mothers -- into the workplace. In 1975, 39% of women with children under 6 worked. By 2000, 65.3% of them did.

Decades ago, when most mothers didn't work outside the home, there was far less cultural anxiety about child development, safety and "parenting skills." Stay-at-home moms of the 1960s cheerfully sent the kids outside for hours of unsupervised neighborhood play while they did housework (or maybe just had a stiff drink). Only when large numbers of mothers did the unthinkable -- found paid work -- did Americans suddenly "discover" that truly effective "parenting" requires at least one adult to be focused 24/7 on the children and their "needs." Surprise!

Of course, it's virtually impossible for parents to hold down two full-time paying jobs and also manage the full-time job of modern intensive parenting. Something has to give -- and much of the time, it's still the woman's free time, or even her career, that goes. Since 2000, more women with young children have begun to give up on the workplace, reversing the 20th century's trend. By 2004, the percentage of women with children under 6 who worked was down to 62.2%.

What to do? In the long run, the workplace needs to be more flexible to accommodate parents -- both women and men -- who value the making of families as well as the making of money. But that will take decades.

In the short run, we can all do our bit to restore sanity -- to change "parenting" back into "having kids." Intensive parenting? Resist it! It's not so hard. Cut the soccer. Tell the kids to go out to play for a little while. And, of course . . . just say no to snack.

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rbrooks@latimescolumnists.com