Pointing back at the paparazzi

Maybe it was coincidence, or perhaps a post-Britney commentary on the paparazzi, but three very different Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week shows under the main tent put photographers and the media front and center.

It started on Monday morning when Heart Truth’s red dress collection (designer dresses modeled by celebrities to raise awareness about women’s heart disease) unspooled on the runway against a backdrop of pseudo red-carpet hubbub, complete with camera-shutter sound effects, popping flashes and camera crews. (Though it was hardly as mind-bogglingly memorable as the closing scene, which consisted of a celebrity sing-along of “You Gotta Have Heart” that included Liza Minnelli, first lady Laura Bush, Camryn Manheim, Lisa Rinna and Jenna Fischer from “The Office.”)

On Tuesday afternoon, Diesel, which launched its new Black Gold collection (in case you’re not up on your slang, “black gold” is slang for oil, a.k.a. “Texas tea,” which keeps the company brands squarely in the fossil fuel camp). The higher-priced line of blousy military-industrial parachute-fabric jumpsuits, trousers, jackets and outerwear was presented before risers full of faux-tographers complete with flashbulb strobes and fake cameras at the top of the runway, set to Duran Duran’s song “Girls on Film.”

That was followed by Wednesday morning’s Michael Kors show in the same space, but instead of live bodies, Kors’ camp opted to turn the tables on the media, using a floor-to-ceiling LED screen at the top of the catwalk to display live images of the photographers and videographers clustered at the opposite end.

The funniest part was, a few of the photogs seemed smitten by the view, and like toddlers who’ve just discovered a mirror, spent a good part of the time flapping their arms and waving their hands at their video selves.

Cool runnings

A cold-weather motif isn’t surprising since the collections being sent down the catwalk this week are fall/winter offerings, and, most efforts amount to nothing more than a chilly video such as Nautica’s ice-sailing footage, or a fake snow fall (a “snaux fall”?) and sheepskin snow drifts Lacoste used to re-create the stylish slopes of Megève.

But leave it to Y-3, the Yohji Yamamoto-Adidas collaboration, to hammer home the point by erecting a gargantuan, floor-to-ceiling Pink Floydian wall of ice in the Pier 40 parking garage as a backdrop for its runway show.

The wall was lighted in an eerie cool blue, guests (who included “Grey’s Anatomy” actress Ellen Pompeo and Vincent Gallo) were given chemically activated hand-warmer packets, and rolled-up Y-3 poly fleece blankets were placed at each seat. In addition to underscoring the line’s driving tenet of protection from the elements (last season’s show included a fully orchestrated rain shower), the fashion igloo had the distinction of being the only Fashion Week set piece that could be dismantled with nothing more than a hair dryer.

Garofalo’s first, and Hopper’s topper

It’s hard not to feel cynical about the odd celebrity-fashion show pairings that New York fashion week serves up. There was Russell Simmons and Natasha Henstridge in the front row at Rock & Republic, and “Law & Order” actor Chris Noth sitting blank-faced in a Led Zeppelin T-shirt at Nautica. So it was refreshing to find out that at least one celebrity attending her very first fashion show claimed not even to realize it was Fashion Week.

“You mean there are more shows?” was Janeane Garofalo’s response when asked about whether she planned to attend any beyond the Obedient Sons & Daughters show at the Hudson Theater. The actress, recently heard as the voice of chef Colette in “Ratatouille,” was seated behind us and said she was attending with a friend of the label.

“Nope, I’ve never been to a fashion show before,” she said. “This is my very first one.” After the show she said she liked the shorts-over-tights look. “And I’m strangely attracted to that gray, one-piece outfit,” she said. “I don’t know why, but I can see myself wearing it.”

G-Star Raw’s show already would have been memorable for the conveyor-belt runway that zoomed models by at high speed, and for the innovative draping of the label’s signature raw denim, but the unexpected highlight came toward the end of the show when the models cleared the stage and a familiar but disembodied voice began to recite Rudyard Kipling’s poem “If.”

“If you can keep your head when all about you/ Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,/ If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you … ”

The audience burst into applause when the owner of the voice walked out on stage, continuing the poem as he wriggled out of his jacket to model a G-Star Raw jumpsuit.

“If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken/ Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools … ”

The speaker was none other than Dennis Hopper, star of “Easy Rider,” “Blue Velvet” and, more recently, Ameriprise Financial commercials, who stood at the foot of the runway and finished reeling off the entire poem from memory.

“If you can fill the unforgiving minute/ With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,/ Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,/ And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!”

He exited the stage, coat over arm and microphone in hand, to a thunderous standing ovation, making for one of the most oddly poignant star turns of the week.

adam.tschorn@latimes.com