Looking like he was headed to the dentist's office for a root canal, Chris Rock walked into a packed L.A. courtroom Friday in a dark suit and blue shirt to testify about his dealings with private detective Anthony Pellicano.
Uncharacteristically sober-faced and soft-spoken, one of the funniest men in Hollywood barely whispered his name into the microphone as he took the witness stand at the federal trial of Pellicano, who is charged with wiretapping and racketeering.
"Mr. Rock?" U.S. District Judge Dale S. Fischer said brightly. "Project." She waved her arm out toward her courtroom.
He obliged -- but just barely -- as federal prosecutor Daniel Saunders took him through the basics of his story.
"In late 1998 did you meet a woman named Monika Zsibrita?"
"Yes," Rock answered.
"And she is a model?"
"Yes," Rock answered.
"In 1999, did she make a claim she was pregnant with your child?"
"Yes," said Rock.
DNA tests later proved it wasn't his child, he told the court. Rock had been separated from his wife when he had his encounter with Zsibrita.
Saunders asked Rock to name the private detective he had hired in 1999.
"Anthony Pellicano," the comedian said, his voice tired, his face stony.
The government alleges that Pellicano obtained unauthorized DMV and police information on Zsibrita after she asked Rock for money.
Under cross-examination by defense attorney Chad Hummel, who represents former Los Angeles Police Sgt. Mark Arneson, one of Pellicano's four co-defendants, Rock confirmed that he felt he was being shaken down by Zsibrita.
"Someone who was not pregnant with my child claimed to be pregnant with my child and requested large sums of money," testified Rock.
Two years later Pellicano told Rock he had a police report of an assault claim that Zsibrita had filed against him. Pellicano read him parts of it over the phone.
Hummel asked Rock if he could describe what was in the police report. "Dude, I'm not a cop," said Rock.
Rock was never arrested or charged in connection with Zsibrita's allegations. "I didn't do anything wrong," said Rock.
The comedian spent less than 15 minutes on the stand, leaving plenty of time in the rest of the court day for more tawdry details of marriages and business relationships gone awry -- the fodder of a private investigator's world.
