Torre should dread day Ramirez cuts hair

As you know, Joe Torre asked Manny Ramirez to cut his hair, but I have this hunch it will never happen.

Torre disagrees, so now one of us will be making a charitable donation.

If Ramirez returns to Dodger Stadium a week from today to open the team's next home stand with all his hair, Torre said he would make a donation to Mattel Children's Hospital at UCLA.

As part of the deal, Torre agrees he will say nothing more to Ramirez about his hair, believing Ramirez heard him the first time they talked.

If Ramirez shows up to Dodger Stadium without the dreads, Page 2 will make a donation to the Joe Torre Safe at Home Foundation.

As part of the deal, of course, I will say nothing more to Ramirez about his hair.

But just between you and me, who is Torre kidding?

You think he's going to bench Ramirez because the guy doesn't get his hair cut?

You think if he fines him it will make a difference, Ramirez knowing he's not getting paid by the Dodgers, so there's no money to take out of his pay?

You think the Red Sox are going to take it out of his pay, and do a favor for the former Yankees manager?

I haven't come up with a nickname for Torre yet, but Delilah is under strong consideration.

Right now the Dodgers have Samson batting cleanup, and it's just a fact, if he cuts his hair -- he loses his strength and becomes Juan Pierre.

I mention the jawbone of an ass, and I would imagine Gary Matthews is a little nervous about what I might write next, but it's just what Samson was swinging when he was hitting everything out of sight.

"Manny's helped us win two games and who knows how many more," Derek Lowe says, and yet Delilah's thinking clippers, and that's what the Dodgers will be, all right, without Samson.

Now I know this is a big deal to some people, Frank from Santa Barbara e-mailing every day asking when Torre is going to "be a man of principle" and insist on Ramirez following his grooming rules.

My response: "Why so worried about a guy's hair?"

And Frank replies, "If you look at Ramirez, and don't know and like it, no way I can help you. No wonder I don't like you."

He looks fine to me touching all the bases, the Predator as far as the Diamondbacks are concerned, and I don't know how anyone could have more fun at the ballpark than the last few days.

The dreads are part of the package, the attitude infectious, and while that might wear off, no reason to cut any of it short prematurely.