Just as England once lived under the Tudor, China once lived under the Ming and the American League East once lived under the Torre, we earthlings live under a dynasty these days.
It's a benevolent dynasty, the Bahamas dynasty -- its people do let us come visit their islands and serve us drinks with tiny umbrellas sticking out of them -- until it comes to the quadrennial test known as the Olympics, when they fluster the rest of us again.
The rest of the world tried everything to overthrow the Athens 2004 kings and queens in the crucial, telltale medals per capita ranking. We sent our Australia, runner-up in Athens with its population of only 20,600,856 and its vast collection of studs and studesses. We proposed Armenia, wrestling and weightlifting with the best from a population shy of 3 million.
We offered Slovenia, No. 5 in Athens, and we sent in Jamaica, No. 6 in Athens with its bolting Bolt and other track prowess, and we tried New Zealand, hearty archipelago, and as it concluded we even summoned Iceland with its 304,367 population and its gaudy handball team.
We just couldn't get to the Bahamas' MPC score of 153,725 -- one medal for every 153,725 Bahamians -- forged by medals in the triple jump and men's 1,600-meter relay. We couldn't stave off the three-peat, what with some connoisseurs of long division having figured the Bahamas the medals per capita winner in Sydney 2000 as well.
The ancient and misguided medals table claimed either China or the United States won the Olympics, depending on who does the miscounting, but we recognize arithmetical propaganda when we see it.
We know that although 110 medals or 100 medals can disappear into the U.S. or China with their tactically unwise populations, there are so many medals per person in Australia that it's practically a fashion accessory, that 47 medals for 60 million Britons constitutes a paradigm shift given Britain's recent sporting history, and that two medals in the wee Bahamas doth an empire make.
Medals per capita minutiae from Sunday's final day:
* The United States, 40th out of 70 countries in Athens with 103 medals and an MPC rating of 2,844,928, wound up 46th out of 87 with a better rating of 2,762,042. It really does supply hope for the future, just imagining how a gutty little overmatched MPC country might continue to make slight strides, like maybe if it goes rummaging around that pool in Baltimore for another giant fish-boy.
