Reach out to ex with a final letter

Dear Amy: I have been seeing this girl (we’ll call her “Girl No. 1”) for close to two years. I was head over heels in love with her. I still am.

Unfortunately, we recently broke up because I felt that we were going in different directions. Then I made the mistake of getting involved with someone else (we’ll call her “Girl No. 2”).

Now, Girl No. 1 won’t talk to me or return my calls. I have cut ties with Girl No. 2 because I realized that I was still totally smitten with Girl No. 1. But I cannot contact Girl No. 1 in any way, so I don’t have the means to tell her this.

I’m not expecting anything; I just want to talk to her and let her know how I feel. I know that I should give her time, and I know that it’s my fault that I’m in this situation, but I love her and I can’t let her just slip away.

I don’t want her to feel like I’m harassing her; it’s just driving me insane that it seems I can’t do anything in this situation. What should/can I do?

Lost and in Love

Dear Lost: Girlfriends don’t like it when their boyfriends break up with them and then take up with someone else. Now it’s time for you to demonstrate that you can respect Girl No. 1’s feelings and back off. Do nothing for two weeks.

Back in the Jurassic Period, a “lost and in love” person could reach out to the object of his or her affection using information we used to call a “street address.” Surely Girl No. 1 has one.

After your cooling-off period, you could write and mail a thoughtfully written letter. Once received, the recipient could reread it many times, until she understands that she is no longer Girl No. 1 but “Girl One and Only” – or she could decide once and for all that you have blown your last chance.

After sending your letter, you’ll just have to tough it out and hope for a response.

Dear Amy: I am a military wife. My husband, “John,” recently left on a 12-month deployment to Iraq. We have two teenagers at home.

Everyone who lives nearby has been very kind to us with offers of help around the house and invitations to socialize, etc., but there is one thing that is starting to really stress me out.

We live far away from most of our friends and family members, and many of them, upon hearing the news of my husband’s deployment, announced that they plan to visit us for a few days in the coming year.

I don’t want to be ungrateful, but the last thing I want is a steady stream of guests while I am also trying to juggle the responsibilities of working, parenting and taking care of the house/cars/pets/finances while my husband is away.

I need to address this situation directly. What can I say that will acknowledge their good intentions but make it clear I really don’t want visi- tors without coming off as ungrateful?

Suggesting they stay in a hotel won’t work because I don’t even want to spend more than a few hours visiting.

No Overnight Guests

Dear No Guests: First, thank your friends and family for their thoughtfulness and then give them a job to do. Tell them, “I’m doing well, but we just can’t have visitors right now. But you know, it would be great if you could send me a nice newsy e-mail from home. I’d forward it on to John. He might not be able to answer, but I bet he’d love that.”

You could further deflect visits by planning your own trip home – perhaps over the summer when things are a little less crazy.

Dear Amy: I read your response to “Smitten,” who wanted to date a foreign exchange student. I think your answer was incomplete.

We have had several foreign exchange students in our home. In all cases, the students were not allowed to date, based on the rules of the organization that sponsored their exchange status. Disobeying the rules was grounds for being sent home.

“Smitten” would be better off developing a strong friendship, supporting her in her new culture and at the very least finding out the rules of her exchange organization, before jeopardizing her stay.

Exchange Student

Sponsor

Dear Sponsor: Several people have written to correct and inform me that foreign exchange programs often have rules against dating students in the host country. Thank you all.

Dear Amy: “Wondering” wrote about parents who let their kids have tantrums in public places. I see these same moms she refers to at school assemblies. Their children are the ones crying during the concert, running up and down the aisles, and making it impossible for the rest of us to hear the music.

I spent many concerts out in the hall listening through a crack in the door to my older boys’ concerts while my youngest fussed.

I would have loved to have been in the auditorium, but I wanted the other parents to enjoy the event. My heart goes out to parents dealing with temper tantrums in public places, but please remember the rest of us!

Been There

Dear Been There: Every parent of a toddler has been there, so thank you for removing your fussy child from the scene.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson by e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.