They share a grandchild but not a friendship

Dear Amy: We just celebrated our daughter’s second birthday with a party.

I spoke with my mother a couple of days after the event, and she told me my mother-in-law blatantly ignored my mother, my father and my grandmother. The only time my in-laws and my parents see each other is at my children’s events. I am not asking for them to start lunching together or become best friends, but I am looking for them to make small talk and say hello at family gatherings.

The only solution I can think of is to sit them down together and say that I expect them to say “hi” to each other at my children’s events and to chitchat for a couple of minutes.

I feel they should think of their kids and grandkids instead of how these events make them feel.

Caught in the Middle

Dear Caught: You should get your parents and in-laws together – at least once – outside of your home and away from the pressure of a family event. Plan a dinner out with just the adults with the intent of getting to know one another.

Before your evening out, tell your mother that you expect her to make an effort to get to know your mother-in-law and to be a good sport. Your husband should do the same with his mother.

At the dinner, you’ll have to provide some conversation starters. If this doesn’t melt some of the frost between them, then by all means let ‘em both have it.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson by e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.