Getting a late start, the show’s writers hope the jokes won’t be on them

You will talk about: The jokes. Seeing as the Oscar writing team will have had only a couple of weeks to officially work on the not-very-funny-during-a-good-year scripted banter of the presenters, is it possible the jokes may be worse this year? Or will the time pressure inspire the writers to new heights of hilarity? They say the best comedy comes from pain.

We will talk about: Tom Hanks. It doesn’t matter if Hanks is up for an award (not this year) or presenting an award (he is) – Oscar night is Hanks’ night. Maybe it’s because he’s on the academy’s board of governors; maybe it’s because he rallied for the Oscars during the writers strike, saying, “The show must go on – that is one of the tenets of everything”; or maybe it’s just because he’s the honorary mayor of celebrities. Anyway, it’s his night to shine.

You may talk about: Whether the academy prefers Cate Blanchett as a dude or a chick. She’s nominated in the best actress category for her role as Queen Elizabeth I in “Elizabeth: The Golden Age” (that’s a lady) and in the supporting actress category as Jude Quinn in “I’m Not There” (that’s a dude). We think that she has a better shot of winning for the dude role. The academy loves gender-benders!

If the stars align we will all talk about: “Norbit.” There is potential for the film “Norbit” – the one with Eddie Murphy in a fat suit – to win an Oscar. It has been nominated in the makeup category and is up against only two other films (“La Vie en Rose” and “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End”), meaning “Norbit” has a chance of actually taking this puppy home.

And if you don’t want to talk about Oscars you can talk about: “Backwoods Barbie.” That’s Dolly Parton’s new album with possibly the awesomest title ever. Here’s a taste of what’s to come: “I’m a Backwoods Barbie – too much makeup, too much hair, a push-up bra and heels. It might look artificial, but where it counts I’m real.” Don’t we know it! (Tuesday)

– Deborah Netburn