Many things baffle me. Such as, how can I hit so many red lights?
On my deathbed, I want the final red-versus-green total presented to me, just to see if my suspicions are correct that the reds were wildly disproportionate. It'd make me feel better in my final moments knowing I wasn't paranoid.
But even that is a minor vexation compared to the attention given the Iowa caucuses. Not that it's a surprise -- we do this dance every four years. Otherwise razor-sharp political reporters head off for the cornfields and mini-metropolises to see how Iowa voters take to the candidates.
And though I keep waiting for the national press to announce some year that it's all a giant put-on, they never do.
Instead, they tell us how important Iowa is.
You've probably picked up on the fact that the caucuses are Thursday night; that's right, Bunky -- caucusers, like trick-or-treaters, only go out after dark. No daylong chance to vote.
Like trick-or-treaters, caucusers show up in relatively small numbers. Reuters news service noted that only 6% of the state's eligible voters took part in 2004. It should be higher this year, because the field is wide open and with a juicier roster of candidates, but seriously, when was the last time you cared what someone from Cedar Rapids thought about presidential selection?
I say this as a Midwestern boy. I grew up in Nebraska and have absolutely no bone to pick with Iowans. The state is indispensable, especially if you're driving from Omaha to Chicago.
Nor is it Iowa's fault that everyone descends on it. They just hold the caucuses; they don't make anyone show up.
But the candidates show up, early and often, and the press follows. Or is it that the candidates show up because the press says it's important? It's a chicken-and-egg thing.
The Hawkeye State matters, we're told, because it stages the first candidate revue. Here's how "vital" Iowa is in the national scheme of things: It has almost the same number of people as Orange County.
Yet it's Iowa that separates the political wheat from the chaff.
The question is, why? It sure isn't because the candidates covet the state's seven electoral votes come November. In fact, does any candidate ever return to Iowa after caucus season?
They go to Iowa in the winter because they're supposed to. They have to.
They know that the political press wants to declare winners and losers, and no one wants to be left out.
